Bursting Red
by YoBeezy
Summary: Jin was nothing special, but to him she was everything. From the time they met to the time they fled, he made sure to be the center of her world. She was his obsession; the prize he couldn't let go of. She was his caged bird and he would have it no other way.
1. At the Tea Shop

**A/N:** This story is a rewrite of an old story I wrote six years ago, I once had it posted on here but changed my mind after I finished it. The old story felt rushed, my characters fell flat and I've learned a whole lot in this time and thought I'd try again.

I want to explore Deidara's manic-prone personality and ego and the personalities these types tend to feed off of. That being said, I love reading and writing stories with original characters, so if you're not into that this probably isn't for you. I should also note that I don't write kunoichi characters, I try to focus more on simple, emotional plotlines that feature somewhat ordinary characters that have a lot of room to grow. Some of the canon plot will be changed for the sake of my plot, so heads up.

Anyways, if this gets read I'd really love to hear feedback, and if you're here because you've followed me from Aus der Traum, oh my god I'm so sorry and I will continue that in time I swear.

Trigger warning: Violence, abuse, and sexual assault.

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Chapter One: At the Tea Shop

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The stone village was experiencing a very mild winter, though it was still too early into the season to really predict how it would turn in the later months. But even the tame chill that crept through the air was enough to urge villagers into the warm den that was Manami's tea house, it was their busiest time of the year.

" _Shinobi!"_ A small older man whispered as he watched from the storefront window. "Jin, Modoka, get ready to serve them!" Jin turned from the tea rack on the side wall to protest, they had only arrived ten minutes ago and there was still quite a bit of setup still needed before they should take customers. She watched her father bounce on the balls of his feet, lighting up with boyish excitement as he did whenever shinobi came in for a drink. Deciding that it wasn't worth objecting, she stepped down from the ladder and plucked an apron from the rack near the door. Jin's father rushed off to the back kitchen area, stalling just to clap his hands in front of Modoka who was lazily leafing through a magazine.

"Got it Manami-sama," she yawned before prepping the tea bench.

"Long night?" asked Jin curiously.

Modoka sent the younger girl a devious grin, "hardly slept a wink, if you catch my drift," then went on to mimic a crude gesture with her hands.

"Oh Modoka, that's disgusting," Jin laughed and turned to face the door, watching as a group of seven filed in, all outfitted in matching red and brown uniforms and Iwagakure headbands. She bowed deeply in front of them. "Good morning, please, right this way." Jin gestured to her left as she stood back up. Once everyone had gotten comfortable, she took orders and promptly turned back to Modoka. "Alright, we've got two coffees, three greens, and two blacks." She looked up at the blank look across Modoka's face and frowned. "You there?"

"Uh-huh." Modoka slowly dragged her brown eyes over to Jin and with a smirk, lifted her hand to hide her face from the rest of the room. "Don't look now but it looks like you've got an admirer."

"What are you on about…" Jin cast a careful, short look back at the shinobi's table. While six of the group were deep in expressive conversation, the shinobi closest to the window was making no effort to hide his obvious staring. His smirk widened when Jin met his eyes. Quickly, she spun back around, mouth pinched unhappily. "Is he still looking?"

"Sure is. He's kind of…pretty, don't you think?" She snickered as Jin huffed, frantically trying to wave the thought away.

"You've got tea to make, I'm leaving now." An older couple walked through the door and Jin rushed to greet them, sparing a quick glance back at the blonde shinobi. Immediately, she averted her eyes as a blaring blush crept into her cheeks. "Uh, w-welcome" she stammered as she bowed, "right this way."

After tending to a few more incoming customers, she took the orders to Modoka who pushed the shinobi's tray out for her. "You should talk to him," she teased. "I mean, kami, he's _still_ looking at you." Jin scowled and grabbed the tray. Quickly wiping her face of all sour notes, she approached the table with a sweet smile, careful to avoid making eye contact with the blonde at the end. When she finally turned towards him with his cup, her smile tightened uneasily.

"And last but not least…" he reached out to take the cup from her, his fingers sliding across hers as he did so. A small gasp left her lips and she pulled back as if she'd been burned. Ignoring her reaction, he raised the glass and bowed his head, long blonde hair spilling over half his face.

"Much appreciated," he said with a tint of amusement, smirking at her like he dared her to respond. She quickly flustered away, not wanting the whole shop to see the amount of blood her cheeks could hold.

"Oi, Deidara, go easy on the girl, you'll scare her away!" The table erupted in laughter.

Jin kept her head down and focused on her tasks at hand after that, trying her hardest not to wilt under the fervent stare she could feel on the back of her neck. Finally, just as her neck was beginning to strain from the prolonged avoidance, the group of shinobi stood and made to leave. With a sigh of relief, Jin turned back towards the tea bench only to find Modoka and the blonde nin speaking in hushed voices, both turning to look at Jin with identical troublesome expressions. She shook her head and headed back to the store room. Pretending to take inventory, she whirled around to face Modoka when the woman brazenly entered.

" _What was that?"_ Jin hissed, her face hot and palms damp. Modoka laughed unfazed.

"He wanted to know what time your shift ended." Jin paled.

"And what did you say?"

"I said your mother would lose her mind if she saw a man trying to talk to her daughter." Jin felt the ache in her taut shoulders begin to subside as Modoka tacked on, "but I told him seven o'clock would be the best time to find you if he insisted on it."

"Ah! You're the worst!"

The rest of the day passed by quickly, too quickly. Jin was feeling embarrassed, unwilling to admit to even Modoka that she'd never talked to a man in this way before, fact was she'd never done anything with a male besides take his order. What was it even like to be alone with a man? What if her parents saw, how would she explain that? Did she even want this sort of attention? There were too many questions, she felt like she was swimming.

"Jin," her father rounded the corner and caught her by the elbow. "Go ahead and head home, we can finish up here." She glanced at the clock and lit up.

"Are you sure? My shift isn't over for another hour" He nodded and nudged her towards the door of the shop.

"Jin, you work so hard, go enjoy a bath in a quiet house for once."

She laughed and put her hands up in surrender. "All right, all right, I'm gone." She hung up her apron and replaced it with a thick coat, grabbing her books, she headed for the door. The sun was just beginning to set, making the rocky structures that surrounded the village glow in the light. But for as warm as it may have looked, the air was frigid.

"Hey, onna," a lazy drawl from behind her took her by surprise and she turned fearfully. The blonde boy was no longer in his work garb, even his headband had been removed.

"Oh," she replied curtly, "it's you." She made to turn away before frowning suddenly and shooting him an untrusting glare. "You're early."

"Huh?"

"Modoka told you I got off at seven, it's barely six. Have you been waiting out here?"

He snorted and waved her accusation away. "Coincidence, you just happened to interrupt my evening walk." She stared back, unamused.

"Is that right?"

"And look at that," he continued, "it just so happens we're walking in the same direction." He grinned and tilted his head to the side, letting his hair fall from his face so that he could look at her fully. "Would you mind?"

She fixed him with a short glare before sighing in defeat. "If you insist." She turned away and he fell easily in step next to her. They walked in a heavy silence with him every once in a while stealing glances at her.

"Not much of a talker, eh?"

"Something like that," she replied coolly.

"I've never seen you around, don't you have any friends?" What tact, she thought.

"I enjoy smaller company, namely myself." She threw a flat look at him. "And what about you? Shouldn't you be out with your friends instead of bothering a girl you don't know?" He smiled and closed his eyes smugly.

"Didn't I say I was on a walk? It's not my fault you showed up."

"And where are you headed?"

"Wherever you're headed."

"Oh?"

"I can't in good conscience let a woman walk home alone in the dark, now can I?" He raised his hand up as if this were the most obvious thing in the world. "Shinobi code." Jin looked over and caught a genuine smile on his young features, making her laugh.

"You're a clever one, aren't you?"

He shrugged, "I try."

"May I ask your name?"

"It's Deidara."

"Well, nice to formally meet you Deidara, I'm Jin." She extended a hand to him and he shook it happily. "And…" she looked ahead, "this would be my house." Jin stopped walking and turned towards Deidara, bowing. "Thank you for ensuring my safety, you make your village proud."

He gave a loud laugh and she stood up with a smile. "See you again?" He asked.

"Will you now?"

"Well, now that I know where you live," he winked at her suddenly blank expression. "Night, kid." Slowly, a smile found her mouth and she gave him a small wave as he saluted her. Turning away she hurried up her walkway and unlocked the door.

"What a strange person," she laughed and stepped inside.

Jin decided to take her father's suggestion, drawing a bath she stripped of her clothes, sparing a short look in the mirror at her naked form before feeling uncomfortable from the exposure. She stepped into the bath and sank low so that her mouth was submerged. Here she thought over her entire day detail by detail. A strange disconnect touched at her chest as she thought about her parents and how she had behaved in a way they surely wouldn't approve of. What made matters worse is that she had a choice of lying to them by omission or spilling and facing whatever came her way. She blew a stream of frustrated bubbles out her mouth and resurfaced. That boy, what was he aiming for? And she might as well ask herself the same question as a small part of her hoped he'd hold true to seeing her again. Attention from the opposite sex was something she always knew existed, saw it happen in front of her, but never experienced it herself. It was kind of wonderful, she felt good about it.

"Ah," but her parents. This was an impossible fantasy because even if she did see him again, if he wasn't planning to marry her, her mother wouldn't be having it. And without her mother's approval Jin might as well wipe the day's events clear from her head forever. She closed her eyes and let herself sink completely under the water, thinking of her life in a different place, in a different family, as a different person.


	2. Traditions

Chapter Two: Traditions

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A thick fog had settled over the village overnight, creeping quietly around until one could hardly see but three feet in front of them. Her parents had gone to open shop three hours ago and Jin sat quietly at the kitchen counter sipping at a cup of tea and picking apart the bread and jam on the plate in front of her. When finished with breakfast, she went into the washroom to finish getting ready. She left with her long copper hair falling over her shoulder in a loose plait and then rummaged for quite some time looking for an outfit both practical for work and thick enough to keep her warm throughout the day. When satisfied, she grabbed her things and left the house.

"Oi, Jin." That familiar deep tone filtered through the fog as she locked up the house, making her feel a sudden jolt of excitement and nausea at the same time. He came forward, outfitted once more in his shinobi garb.

"Deidara," she quickly bowed in greeting. "What are you doing here?"

That signature smirk touched his lips and he looked around, "Didn't want you getting lost on your way to work out here." Before she could respond he went on, "and it's on my way anyway. I'll be leaving today for a few days so I won't get to see you until then."

"Oh," she said quietly, cringing at the amount of audible disappointment heard in her voice. He grinned and she knew he'd picked up on it too. "I mean, well, thank you for your concern. This isn't the first foggy day for Iwa though and it's hard to forget where you basically live the rest of the time you're not home," she laughed but softened her features. "But I don't mind if you walk with me, the company will be nice."

They set out at a slow pace, him walking so close to her that if her arm wasn't held in tight, it brushed up against his. She wondered if this was intentional or not. "So, what are you off to do that'll keep you for so long?" She asked, breaking up their comfortable silence.

"Eh, mostly traveling. Got something of a demolition job out west." He looked proud as he spoke.

"Your life sounds very exciting," she said honestly, earning a sideways look from the boy. "You probably get to see all sorts of places. I've never left the village, strange to think there's more than this out there, y'know?"

"I can take you sometime." He said simply, not a hint of humor to his voice. She looked over at him with a flattered expression and he broke into a smirk. "We could leave right now if you wanted to, and never come back."

"What an idea," she laughed. They fell back into a comfortable silence but again, like yesterday, she could feel him watching her for part of the time. Not wanting to ask him about it, she kept her head forward and pretended as if she didn't notice. "Deidara?" She said as they approached the tea house. Jin had stopped near an alley, not wanting to risk being seen by anyone she knew.

"Hm?"

"Thank you for walking with me, but my parents can't know about us talking so we've got to be careful about it."

He scoffed and pointed a thumb at his headband. "It's my job to be careful." She smiled and shook her head.

"Really, they'll kill me."

"Sounds troublesome," she nodded, he hadn't half an idea. "But sure, sure, whatever you like." She bowed her head, quietly thanking him. "Well, I best be going, I might be late."

"Of course, be safe?"

"There's no fun in safe," he teased and she rolled her eyes. "But don't worry, I'll come back to you in one piece." The tone of their goodbye had warmed her hands and face, and she hoped he didn't notice she was reading deeply into everything he said.

"Then I'll be seeing you, I guess."

"Soon."

She did a quick bow and turned to leave, casting one last look at him before he disappeared in a blur.

Jin walked through the door of the shop, trying her hardest not to look suspicious. The air from outside had burned her cheeks raw and she gently slapped the feeling back into them. Modoka eyed her from across the room, curiously probing her face as if waiting for her to break under the pressure. Turning her back to the woman, she frantically searched for what she would say when she was ultimately asked about it. But she didn't have to wait long. A slender hand crept over her shoulder and Modoka wickedly whispered in her ear, "Not a chance. Store room, now." Her hand tightened around Jin's shoulder and with a small yelp of fright she was tugged backwards. The older girl slipped quietly into the store room, Jin stumbling behind her.

"Modoka!" When she was finally released she rubbed at her shoulder with a pout.

"Spill it." She wore a frightening grin and Jin had to wonder how bored she must be to care this much.

"Spill what? Nothing happened!"

"You mean he didn't show?"

Jin looked up at the ceiling, contemplating. "Well, I didn't say that." A startling gasp brought Jin's eyes downward, warily watching as Modoka cupped her cheeks, just thrilled. "But nothing happened," Jin interjected before Modoka lost all self-control, the rolling assumptions were building up behind her eyes dangerously. "We just walked together and talked a bit," she shrugged.

"Are you going to see him again?" Modoka's genuine excitement forced a small smile out of Jin and for a moment she allowed herself to feel the way she desperately wanted to feel.

"He actually walked me to work this morning." Another thrilled gasp escaped Modoka's mouth as she pulled the younger into a crushing embrace.

"Oh Jin, I'm so excited for you!" Jin's heart sank slightly and she pulled away.

"Don't be, this isn't going to go anywhere," she was trying hard to be casual about it, despite the defeated reaction she felt upon saying the words out loud. "My parents don't want me dating."

"Jin…" Madoka's face fell. "Don't you ever want to live your own life?"

That same question had been burning in her mind since yesterday and still she couldn't quite figure out what that even entailed. "Of course I do," her voice was weak and small. "Just…I can't just yet. My parents need me around still, they're getting older and they won't be around forever." Where this was going she had no idea. "I don't know what to do," she finally admitted, shrinking into herself. Modoka reached a comforting hand out but before she could reply the door opened with a startling force.

"Jin?" Her mother stepped in looking quite upset. "What are you doing back here? We have customers, don't humiliate me in front of our guests," she snapped. "Go serve them!"

Jin gave Modoka a flat look, as if to say _"see what I mean?"_ Modoka smiled back weakly before Jin's mother turned on her next, just as angry. Not wanting to stick around, Jin left to assist the customers.

All day long Jin felt a heaviness weighing on her shoulders. She could hardly pretend to sound welcoming as customers came and went. Her voice droned on, dull and flat and her attention was clearly divided as she routinely found herself looking out the window despite knowing he wouldn't be there.

She never remembered her life feeling so boring and empty, not before Deidara came into the picture. _Is this what everyone feels their first time,_ she thought. Confused. Hopeful. Consumed. _That's ridiculous, I don't even know him, it's just the idea I'm getting worked up over._ She struggled to discern what she was feeling up until she got home and was faced with a new set of problems.

"What's going on with you today?" Her mother asked over dinner. Jin glanced up and then looked to her father.

Lazily stirring her food with her chopsticks, she shrugged, "I didn't sleep much last night, I'm just tired." Her mother watched her intently and Jin focused all the energy she had on appearing as natural as possible. She never lied to her parents, she barely knew how. Finally, her mother's scrutiny lifted and Jin slumped down in her seat, exhausted. "I think I'll go lie down. Thank you for dinner, I'll wrap it up and put it away for tomorrow." Neither of her parents spoke as she tidied up, surely waiting til she left to start talking, about her most likely. She said goodnight and then trudged into her room.

Her parents were both very traditional people and she'd been raised with those same values. Like any other seventeen-year old girl, she wanted to act differently but the smothering guilt that comes along with going against their grain was almost too much to bear. It was for that reason she wasn't a kunoichi. It was never a possibility she had ever even considered as her mother had always instilled that Jin's future was inside the tea shop and she had never questioned that. And as far as relationships went, her parents didn't know a thing about love. They had been arranged to marry and neither ever thought to challenge it. Accepting a loveless and cold marriage was just as expected as accepting the role you had to play in life. Ask no questions, ever.

Luckily, her parents didn't see the need to marry Jin off which made her wonder if her parents allowed themselves to feel regret and didn't want their daughter to endure the same. But that's not to say it was all up to Jin. Hardly. Once she was eighteen, and no sooner, she'd be urged by her parents to find a husband. Someone approved of by them, then she'd live out the rest of her days as a subservient child-bearing wife who'd work in the tea shop 'til she died. Just thinking about it now made her sick.

What was she supposed to say to Deidara? That she couldn't see him anymore? A pang in her chest told her that would have to be a last resort. She enjoyed his company and character and wanted a chance to get to know him better, at least as a friend. But how far was she willing to take it? And how far did he want it to go? The more time they spent together the more complicated things would become. Jin groaned into her pillow. These feelings were awful and for a moment she wished they'd never met.

The next two days seemed to drag on, to the point Jin wondered how long she could do this for. Never had she considered possibility outside of her current reality and now that she had caught a glimpse of what it could be there was no going back to how things were.

Jin glanced at the clock, it was already eight, the time she usually left at. The shop closed in thirty minutes and then her parents would prep for the next day, something Jin often helped with but she couldn't bear being alone with her parents in this state.

"Is it alright if I head home now?" She made sure to ask her when her mother wasn't around. Her father had always had somewhat of a soft spot for Jin, something her mother seemed to lack. He waved his hand as if shooing her away and she gave him a small kiss on the cheek.

"I'll see you at home, be safe."

The streets outside were bright and bustling with people, it was still early for a weekend night, the noise wouldn't die down until the bars had closed. Jin's mind and attention were elsewhere as she walked and it caused her to collide with a very solid force, effectively knocking her to the ground. She glared up into the light and caught sight of the shinobi's face, scarred and bulky with interest in his glossy eyes. "I'm sorry darlin', here, lemme help you up," he slurred. She could smell the sake on his breath as he spoke and she pulled back from his reach.

"Thank you, but I can help myself." She replied coldly. But either the man didn't hear her or didn't care. His large hand grabbed her by the arm and yanked her upwards painfully. "Let go of me!" She cried out, trying to pull her arm from his grasp with no luck.

"There's no need to act like that," he bent down closer to her level. "Come on sweetheart, lighten up, no one likes a buzzkill." Without much thought, she brought her free hand up and struck him across the face and he released her in surprise. "You little bitch," he spat. Jin backed up and made a quick attempt to run away from him, but she didn't make it far. He grabbed her by the back of her jacket and pulled her back towards him violently. "Where do you think you're going girl?!" People were stopping momentarily to stare or whisper but none dared to approach the large shinobi.

Tears sprang to her eyes and she screamed as the man roughly grabbed at her chest. A door opened behind them and suddenly she was dropped to the floor.

"Namo, what do you think you're doing?" A second man dressed as a captain asked. "Get back inside you big thug." He patted the larger man on the chest and with a grunt and a glare Namo stalked back into the bar. The captain looked down at Jin and frowned. "Get out of here, girl. You're causing trouble." And with that he walked off, leaving Jin stunned and shaken in the middle of the street.

Slowly, after collecting herself and making an effort not to cry in front of anyone, she brought herself upright. Her arm was tender and was surely already starting to bruise. She walked away briskly, head down to hide her stinging, wet eyes. When she finally rushed through the front door, she burst into tears and sobbed violently against the wall. All she wanted was the safety of her bed now. And Deidara, she wanted him too.

* * *

 **A/N:** As of right now my goal is to get a chapter out twice a week, once on Wednesday and then again on Saturday. If that becomes too difficult I'll knock it down to just Wednesdays but I'm far enough ahead I think I'll be good for a little while. I want to say thank you to everyone who reviewed, followed, and added to their favorites the first chapter. I hope I can meet all of your expectations. And to Maddie, the reader who read the original fic, your comment had me crying. Thank you so, so much for the support, even all these years later. I turn 24 today and this will mark my eleventh year writing fanfiction and god, it's been such an experience. I don't think I'll ever stop loving the process and the community. Ah, I'm just so touched!


	3. Through Open Windows

Chapter Three: Through Open Windows

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Sunday morning marked the third day Deidara had been absent. She woke that morning to the sun shining in her eyes, a rare but welcomed bright winter's day before her, on her day off no less. Stretching lazily, she pulled herself from bed and stumbled out the door. The only thing she absolutely had to do was go to the market for dinner supplies. It felt like such a long while since her last free day, the amount of free time before her was a little threatening. _I guess I could try to paint today,_ she thought as she undressed while the tub filled, _it's been a while._ She'd been working so much overtime because of the season she'd let her hobby fall to the wayside. After getting ready she sifted through the number of canvas' around her room, some empty, some full, arranged an easel next to her window and pulled up a second stool topped with various supplies. She then opened the window, relishing in the crispness these clear days brought forth.

It had been hard at first to move her to start but once she did the pull of the brush against canvas was all she heard and all she felt. So much so that she failed to notice the presence at her window just barely out of sight. "So you're a painter, hm? Very interesting."

Jin dropped the brush from her hand and nearly toppled over from jerking around. "You're going to kill me if you keep doing that," she gasped, hand fluttering to her chest in hopes her heart would slow. Deidara burst into bright laughter as she dipped her head. "What a creep," she muttered. He pulled himself through the window and stood, looking around her room with interest. Her heart was pounding for another reason entirely now. Deidara was here, in her home while she was alone-and in her bedroom of all places. Her mother would die if she saw this. Right after making sure Jin knew how much she had failed as a daughter.

"These are pretty good," he said as he crouched down to leaf through a stack of canvas'.

"Thank you-when did you get in?" She asked, he was in a casual getup.

"Late last night," he replied. She allowed herself a small smile, to think the first thing he did upon coming back was come to see her. Her heart shook with young excitement. "May I watch you?" He motioned to her painting and the smile was wiped from her face. Painting was a very private thing for her and the idea of someone examining her while she worked made her incredibly self-conscious. Before she could respond, he made himself comfortable on her bed, arms behind his head and legs crossed at the ankle. "Don't be shy, onna. Just pretend like I'm not here."

She didn't have to look at him to know he was very aware of what he was doing and feeling very amused with himself. Stiffly, she picked the brush up off the floor and stared at her canvas. This was torture. Timidly, she continued pressing in small details. He was so quiet for a while she really did forget he was there. Once her back started aching though, she turned to face him. His attention on her was rapt and she was taken aback by his seriousness. His eyes flickered from her painting back to her, "I've never watched another person make art before, hm, it's quite a beautiful thing." She thought she might explode. Laughing nervously, she slipped from her stool and changed the subject.

"Would you like to come to the market with me?" His eyes pulled away from her painting and he shrugged lazily.

"Sure, I guess."

"Alright, I'll just need a few minutes to change." She turned to dig through her closet but upon realizing Deidara wasn't moving, turned back around to face him.

"Yes?" He smirked.

She pointed at the window, "out." With a load groan he pulled himself from the bed, casting her a playful glare, he slipped back through the window and turned to lean against the wall beside it. For extra security, she pulled the curtains shut. She bounced between several outfits but settled on a pair of loose pants and a white collared shirt she had tucked in, something casual that looked nice but wasn't trying too hard. She then hurried out the front door. "All right, let's go."

It was cold outside but the sun against her skin made it bearable. They made light conversation as they walked, she talked about customers at work and he recounted his last mission in vivid detail. For that brief period of time she forgot the thin line she was treading and behaved in a manner akin to a lovestruck girl.

At the market, she examined an onion before placing it in the basket he had insisted on holding for her. There were a lot of people out today and her nerves at being spotted by someone she knew dwindled a bit by the size of the crowds. "Are you hungry?" He asked as she ran her finger down her finished list.

"Now that you mention it," she touched her empty stomach and grimaced. "I'm starving." He flashed her a broad smile.

"I know a decent place around here, my treat." Her heart shuddered. Was this like a date? She really had little understanding where the line was drawn but everything in her body was telling her they'd beyond crossed it.

"Oh," she stammered, "I have money-" He shook his head and placed his hand on her lower back as he firmly led her to the checkout.

"Come on, let's get out of here." Flustered, she nodded and clumsily fumbled for her wallet. This was the first time they'd touched and it elicited a very strange and new feeling throughout her. Something warm and dizzying, and in its own way, somewhat indecent.

As they sat across from each other waiting for their food, Jin nervously fidgeted in her seat. It was one thing to walk and talk but a whole other thing to have to talk sitting across a table while looking at each other. By the looks of it though Deidara wasn't have the same problem, he was watching her with amused interest. One might think he was enjoying making her squirm.

"Deidara," she said quietly. Sitting in the café and allowing him to spend money on her made her feel guilty, it couldn't wait. "I have to tell you something. I…I don't think I can see you anymore after this." Her stomach twisted painfully and she quickly backpedaled. "Not that I don't want to! It's just-" He raised his hand to stop her and she faded off.

"Well if you want to, I don't see the problem." He took a casual sip of his drink and she struggled to find the right response. "Look," he leaned back in his chair and eyed her seriously. "I'm interested in you and I'd like to see more of you. You shouldn't be so scared of your parents, you've got your own life and eventually they'll have to accept that." Jin was at a loss for words, she hadn't expected such forwardness from him and wasn't quite sure how to counter it, or if she even wanted to. "Trust me, yeah?"

She looked up at him carefully and gave him a small nod. "Okay."

Their food came shortly after and Deidara pushed the topic. "What do your parents expect of you?" She took a small bite and considered the question. No matter which way she put it she knew she'd sound absolutely senseless.

"A normal kind of life, I guess. They want me to carry on with the family shop when they're finished, and they want to see me married and I don't know," she sighed, "I think they just want to keep me safe."

Deidara snorted, "what an outdated concept, I really hate mindsets like that." He pointed his chopsticks at her, "that's not what you want, is it?"

"No! Of course not!" While she had always been fond of marriage, it wasn't by her parent's definition that she wanted to follow. She didn't bother mentioning this though. "But I don't know what I want either. I've never really thought about it up until now." She admitted.

"Heh," he looked proud of himself. "You mean I've inspired you to think for yourself?"

"Something like that," she laughed. "It's a little overwhelming, you know?"

"Not really," he shrugged. "I've never had problems like this. From my perspective it just looks like you're making your life more difficult than it has to be. It should be exciting, not overwhelming."

"It's a bit of both I'd say."

"Stick with me, kid." He grinned at her, "I'll show you how it's done."

"You're insane," she shook her head teasingly.

"But you like it." And that was something she couldn't argue with.

After their talk, their meal lightened up and she felt more comfortable in her own skin. She felt embarrassed as he paid and she thanked him several times but he just waved it off.

"What time are your parents home?" He asked as they stepped into the sunlight. The road they were on was quiet and mostly empty. She'd never really been on this side of the village and she realized how strange that was for a place you called home all your life.

"In about three hours, they're closing early tonight."

"Then we've still got plenty of time! I'd like to show you something, follow me" with a jerk of his head he began walking and she quickly stepped to his side. Five minutes in and he groaned as he turned towards her. "We could get there faster if we weren't walking. You said you'd trust me, yeah?"

"Yeah, but that depends," she said warily. By now she was beginning to understand that the reason he always wore that arrogant look on his face was because he genuinely enjoyed amusing himself at the expense of others. It seemed she was no exception. Before she could ask what he wanted, he dipped down and took her up in his arms, her body froze in absolute shock at both their closeness and his blinding confidence. "Hold on," A small scream left her mouth as the ground disappeared beneath them and she latched her arms around his neck desperately. She could feel him laughing and she buried her face into the crook of his neck, eyes shut so tight she began to see lights. "Relax, you're alright, look." Slowly she turned her head and opened one eye. He was running and jumping from roof to roof, bypassing the long streets below. From this high up she could see networks of buildings, winding streets, and small moving people all surrounded by the towering rock formations that encased Iwagakure. It was a view she never thought possible. _Was this living?_

He jumped down from a tall height and she buried her face in his neck again as the sensation of falling turned her stomach upside down. Deidara landed with a soft thud and gently placed Jin on her legs. She wobbled dangerously and he laughed as he helped stabilize her. "Not too bad, yeah?"

"If you say so," she stammered. They stood in front of a tall building she didn't recognize, "where are we?"

"My place," catching sight of her startled expression he bowed his head to her level. "No reason to be scared," though his wicked smile said otherwise. "Live a little, huh?"

There was a knot in her throat she couldn't properly swallow but meekly she nodded her head. He looked thrilled. They crossed under the canopy and went up the stairs to the second floor where he lived, each step echoing in the empty stone stairwell. This felt so much more intense than when he'd been lying on her bed in her empty house. She was fully aware that if he had wanted to do something to her he had had plenty of opportunities to do so, so this really shouldn't have felt like such a big event. But it did, and she was terrified. This went against everything her mother had ever wanted for her, everything she ever believed to be right up until now. There was a large divide forming between her heart and mind and the struggle to choose which one to follow was crucial to her identity, this was changing everything.

Deidara stopped in front of a flat grey door and took a key from his pocket. He opened the door and she took a deep breath.

The inside of his apartment was bigger than she had expected. His sitting room had very little furniture in it, a large workbench taking up the majority of the space. The table itself was lovingly cluttered with various sculpting supplies, books, and jars and the wood was worn down as if it were put to frequent use. All around, it looked very much like a space solely meant for him and in some ways felt a little lonely. She walked slowly along the length of the bench, fingers trailing over soft wood and clay shavings. "You're a sculptor," she breathed. Examining a few figurines he had at the end of the table, she whirled back around to him, face bright and excited. "These are wonderful!"

He looked satisfied to hear that. "I could teach you if you'd like."

Jin felt somewhat unworthy, his love and appreciation for his craft went unrivaled, she didn't want to disappoint him. But the essence of it all was very romantic and it touched her considerably. "I would love that."

He brought a separate stool from the back of the room and placed it next to the one at the workbench, motioning for Jin to sit next to him as he took his own seat. Their eyes met and the look shared between them was soft and kind.

She walked over to him with no hesitation, pulled in by the tug of her own heart.

* * *

 **A/N:** These first chapters have been a challenge to write and I'm still somewhat unsatisfied with the results. If it's not translating as I'd like, what I'm aiming to do with these chapters is slowly reveal crucial character traits and then explore the way they evolve as they interact (the running theme to this whole story basically). I picture Deidara as a very overconfident person with many selfish traits, most of them disguised by his natural charm. I assume that these sort of self-aggrandizing, almost narcissistic qualities would make him a pretty controlling person. My OC is insecure and lonely, naturally this makes her an easy target to be taken advantage of and people like Deidara might find that easily submissive and desperate to please personality appealing. Standard abusive relationship structure. Hope that helps!


	4. Touches of Home

**A/N:** Thank you for such kind words! I hope this continues to hold up, I've written up to chapter eight and I feel like it only gets better now that the set-up is over with and I can get on with the main plot. I did want to give a small warning though just in case it wasn't fully realized what this story will be. This is my first serious attempt at a darkfic and I just want to make sure everyone who reads this understands that it will involve a lot of potentially triggering topics. It's important that I stress that the behaviors that I write about are in no way endorsed or encouraged by myself and that it's a purposeful misrepresentation of what a relationship should be. No matter which way you spin it, Deidara is a bad guy and I couldn't write a story about him without highlighting this fact.

 **OTHER IMPORTANT INFORMATION** : For arguments sake, both Deidara and Jin are seventeen years old. (I had written her in as sixteen in a previous chapter but I've gone back and changed it.) In my story he'll be eighteen when he joins the Akatsuki. I KNOW that this isn't canon but I don't care. This chapter and chapter six include a few sexual scenes that, while embellished as most writing is, are there to support the characters and are a part of the plot. With this being said, any actual explicit content won't happen until after both characters are eighteen and even then, it won't be terribly graphic. So if you're looking for that sort of story, sorry, this isn't that story.

Okay, I'm done. Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy!

* * *

Chapter Four: Touches of Home

* * *

It was the most intimate thing she had ever done, sitting so close to him while he put his hands over hers in an attempt to guide her through the proper motions of sculpting. This was important. He had invited her into his private life, revealing a vulnerable side she wouldn't have imagined he possessed, and every moment she basked in his quiet laughter or the pleasant purr of his voice gently mumbling near her ear she questioned herself less and less.

This was where she wanted to be, it was where she belonged.

He was sitting on the edge of his stool, his chest up against her back while he watched her hand movements from over her shoulder. Every once in while he'd direct her to the next step but he was enjoying watching her learn on her own just as well. He could smell her hair from where he sat, something soft and floral, and whenever he got a chance he'd lean in close and breathe it in. "Do you like it here?" He asked softly, smirking at the small shiver that rocked her shoulders.

She was quiet for a moment, whatever answer she chose would be a commitment from here on out, one purely her own. "I love it here," she admitted meekly. He gave a small laugh and brought a hand up to gently move her hair from her neck. A shaking 'oh" escaped her as she felt his breath hot against her skin and could hear how it shuddered slightly as if holding back was proving to be a struggle. "What are you…" she could barely speak. Her whole body felt electric at the smallest of movements, his mouth barely brushing her neck, the tightening of his hands around her arms, it was going to ruin her. "Deidara, please-" she gasped.

He stilled, took a deep breath and then pulled back shaking with easy laughter. "Breathe, onna." He squeezed her arms one last time and stood up, stretching his tightly wound body out.

Jin shut her eyes and slumped over to put her dizzy head in her hands, she felt like she could sleep for hours. "What time is it?"

"Oh," he said in surprise, "it's nearly five." Jin shot up, looking frantic.

"My parents are already home!" She jumped up and went for her grocery bag. "I'm so sorry Deidara, I've got to go." He nodded and threw his jacket on.

"You can get there faster if I take you, come on." He grabbed her by the hand and pulled her out the door. They ran down the stairs together and when they reached the landing he grinned and bent forward. "Climb up here," he motioned for her to get on his back and she gave a tittering laugh.

"You're serious?"

"Absolutely."

She came up behind him and put her hands on his shoulders, pulling herself onto his back. She gave a small yelp as he hoisted her up and stood straight with no effort. "Get comfortable," she wrapped her arms around his shoulders and he sprang forward soundlessly. To her relief and pleasant surprise, Deidara lived only about a twenty-minute walk from her own house, five-minutes if they did it his way. He hopped down into a small alleyway just a few doors down from her house and she slid off his back.

"I can't thank you enough," she grabbed her bag with two hands and held them in front of her body. "Today was really nice." He gave her a genuine smile.

"Until next time, I guess."

She leaned forward and cupped his face with her hand, giving him a small lingering kiss on the cheek. "Next time." And he watched as she left him, running back home.

Jin ran breathlessly through the front door and kicked off her shoes. "I'm home! Sorry I'm late!" She turned the corner and her parents were sitting at the dinner table, both looking up at her with empty looks.

"Where have you been?"

"Oh, well I went to the market and it was such a nice day out I thought I'd wander around. Got a little lost uptown." She forced a laugh and left to the kitchen. "I'll start dinner immediately!"

When she entered she put a hand to her head and slumped against the wall. She felt sick.

She had dinner finished with thirty minutes and served her parents, being the last to sit down. "You should be home when you say you're going to be home," her mother said as she sipped at her soup. "We were really worried about you."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you worry." She lowered her spoon and felt guilt wash over her. She looked at her dad whose tired, lined face sat and he ate quietly to himself. He never spoke when her mother was upset. "It won't happen again."

She went to bed that night feeling weak and confused. Every day felt like a crisis lately. On top of her situation with Deidara and her parents, little by little she felt herself slipping farther away from the person she had thought she was. There was a certain comfort in thinking about the path her parents wanted her to take. It was predictable and constant, maybe shallow but it felt like home to her and that sentiment tied her down to her family. But then there was Deidara, this unpredictable force that both terrified and thrilled her. It was like seeing color for the first time, the black and white life she'd been living now seemed so dull and empty in comparison.

She wanted him and all that he was. His unwavering confidence, the depth of his passion and the gentle nature of his hands, touching her. She wanted to drown in it.

She could still feel his breath on her neck, sending waves down her body that crippled her. For a long time, she had averted those sort of sordid thoughts, her purity was precious and she felt inclined to believe her mother when she had told her that nobody would want her if she wasn't clean. But now, after sensing her first sexual reaction, Jin couldn't stop her mind from picking apart the interaction that happened between Deidara and herself earlier that day, the one that made her legs quiver, among other things. Her body acted upon its own will when he had pressed himself up against her with want and it was doing it again as she felt herself grow wet, she took it further in her imagination.

If she hadn't stopped him, how far would it have gone? She imagined his hands turning her to face him, letting himself give in to the intensity of his yearning as he gripped her and ran hungry kisses down her neck to her chest. She would squirm against him and he would react as if he'd been starving for her for some time now. For the first time, his mouth would meet hers, gentle yet demanding, and she'd crumble and give him all that he ached for, untouched between the soft flesh of her thighs.

Jin reached a hand down to herself, slowly and hesitantly slipping it beneath the edge of her underwear until it gently swept at her mounting excitement. She thought of him, bare skin against hers, rocking and swaying into one another. Her finger slipped farther down and she gasped, eyes opening wide only to close again as a whimper left her.

And then an unwelcome thought stormed into her head, one of her mother crying and refusing to look at her. "I have no daughter," she moaned and sobbed harder into her hands. Jin's eyes snapped open and she pulled her hand back like she'd been shocked. A wave of nausea overcame her and she jumped up, heading towards the bathroom to clean herself up of all evidence of her wanton thoughts. She couldn't do that again. Upon returning to bed, she wrapped herself up in the safety of her blankets and shut her eyes, praying for sleep to come quickly with the absence of dreams.

The next day at work proved difficult. Jin had slept poorly last night, that much was obvious by the pale tone of her skin offset by the dark circles beneath her eyes. She didn't bother with forcing herself to smile as she greeted customers and made no effort to appear busy under the watchful gaze of her mother. Even Modoka was continuously looking over at Jin with concern, giving her a small watery smile when their eyes would briefly meet.

It was unbearable, all of it.

Jin didn't ask if she could leave when her shift ended at two, she just hung up her apron, grabbed her things and left briskly through the door. She hated this place. As she walked and her mind turned, she grew frustrated. Home would mean another night of intrusive questioning and criticizing from her mother, another meal gone by that went unappreciated considering the time and attention Jin lovingly put into her cooking, and another restless night until she'd do the same thing the next day as she had the day before. There was a small fire in her and it drove her to do something she never thought she would. Without a care otherwise, Jin turned down a street a block from her house, heading in the direction of Deidara's apartment.

It took longer than she had anticipated, taking several wrong turns along the way, but eventually the familiar stone building came into view. Her confidence waned slightly and she wondered if what she was doing was alright. She didn't want to become a burden to Deidara but something urged her to believe this is what he'd been talking about when he spoke of independent thinking. Slowly, she walked up the stairs to the second landing and timidly knocked when she stood in front of his door. No answer. Of course, she thought, Deidara's life wasn't ruled by the same monotony hers was and to think he'd be home at all times seemed rather stupid considering how demanding his job was. She leaned against the wall next to his door and sighed, slipping down until she was curled into her knees. Either way, she didn't want to go home. She didn't want to see them look at her the way they did, she'd sooner rather wait for Deidara to return, whenever that might be.

Jin sat for almost two hours, eyes glazed over in a tired, thoughtless way. So deep into nothingness she didn't notice the approaching footfalls. "Jin?" She blinked and looked to her right. "Are you alright?"

"I'm sorry," she muttered, embarrassed. "I didn't know where else to go." Deidara walked over to her, concern and worry etched into his frown and furrowed brow. He knelt down in front of her and brushed the hair from her face.

"Come on, don't apologize. You must be freezing out here." He helped her up and unlocked the door, following her in as she hesitantly entered. Deidara was wearing his red and brown uniform, pouches at his hip rattling with kunai and shuriken.

"Another mission?" She asked quietly. He shook his head.

"Just training." He looked her over and jerked his head towards his bedroom. "Follow me." Obediently, she followed him into his room. His room was less cluttered than the front of his apartment but still featured stacks of books, loose scrolls, and little pieces of interest from places he'd traveled to. The room held a certain neatness to it though that looked as if he didn't spend much time in there. She sat on his bed as he searched through his dresser. "Talk to me, onna. Why are you so worked up, hm?"

"I don't know how to explain it fully," she watched him remove his vest and slide his shirt over his head, the lean lines of his body forcing her to look away with guilt. It was an image that bore a striking resemblance to what she had envisioned last night while touching herself. She cleared her throat and focused on her hands as he continued undressing. "I'm just feeling all wrong. I'm losing myself."

Laughing, he teased. "You can look now." Still warm in the face she glanced up, he was dressed in a simple black shirt and pant ensemble, his long hair loose and spilling over his shoulder and face. "Here," he handed her a small bundle. "They'll be too big for you but at least you won't have to stay in your work clothes." He laid down next to her and threw an arm over his eyes. "I'm not looking," he grinned. "So go on, get changed and keep talking."

She stood slowly, casting a wary glance at him. For safe measure she turned around, at least if he were to sneak a glance she wouldn't risk catching him in the act. "I can't tell the difference between right and wrong anymore." She unbuttoned her shirt and folded it, placing it on the floor, her pants following.

Deidara scoffed. "There is no set definition for right and wrong, doing what's right means doing what is right by you, what feels the best, what takes you farthest. It's not unusual for one person's right to be another's wrong." He lifted his arm and looked her over, watching as she pulled his shirt over her head, effectively hiding the feminine curve of her body. He smirked and drew his eyes to the ceiling.

"And if my choices hurt the people I love in the process?" She asked, turning to face him now fully dressed.

He shrugged. "Some things can't be avoided if you want to feel fulfilled. That's just how it is." He sensed her hesitation to sit on the bed with him, "come here," he said as he patted the space next to him. She did so shyly. He moved to lean on his elbow as she laid down, looking over at her and studying the way her face moved as she processed his words.

"I don't know what to do," she sighed, running her hands through her hair in frustration. He laughed.

"I think you've already chosen." She looked over at him carefully, considering what this meant and then she nodded.

"Yeah, I guess I have." She shut her eyes, being here felt right, more like home than her house ever did. "Deidara?"

"Hm?"

"May I sleep here tonight?"

"I wasn't intending to let you leave in the first place." She laughed and shook her head.

He studied her, she herself was art, he thought. In the way her long copper locks draped her face, a face once so serious and fixed now glowing, and how this found its way to her eyes, no longer flat and empty but instead curious, afraid, and tender all at once. All these things only made better knowing they were all for him. It was inspiring.

He placed a hand to her jaw and turned her face upwards, eyes flickering to her mouth now pink and parted as if in waiting. He was tired of holding himself back. He searched her eyes for any sign of hesitation or discomfort but was pleased to find them hazy and heavy, a sign of longing. Slowly, he brought his mouth to hers, deepening the kiss when her hand came up and cupped his cheek. She softly moaned against his mouth and his body tightened in response. Gently sucking at her bottom lip, he brought his hand up to her hip, sliding it beneath her shirt. She gasped at his force and he took the opportunity to sweep his tongue against hers, warm, wet and hungry. Breaking the kiss, he smirked at her breathlessness and lowered himself to her neck. Wrapping his hand behind it, he brought it closer to him and kissed her there. Her soft mewling amused him, he was being too tender. Carefully, he nipped at the skin, breaking apart the motions with the gentle lapping of his tongue.

He pulled away, enjoying the sight of her flushed cheeks and glossy eyes, mouth looking raw and wet. Still, she didn't stop him nor show any signs of displeasure, quite the opposite. He lifted himself over her until he sat up straddling her hips, fingers gently dipping beneath the hem of her shirt. He was happy to see her bend forward, allowing it to be pulled off of her with ease. His eyes traveled over her pale skin, the curve of her body so finely sculpted he had to admire it, gently trailing the tips of his fingers over her side until she shivered beneath his touch. His eyes moved over to her arm where a large bruise was beginning to heal, marring her fair palette. He frowned.

"Jin? What is this from?" He asked darkly as he traced the darkened bloom that faintly looked like fingers.

"Hm?" She followed his gaze. "Oh, it's nothing."

"Don't lie to me, who did this to you?" His eyes snapped towards her, serious and startling.

"It was just some drunk shinobi, I ran into him and he hassled me a bit. It's fine, really." She watched his face shift angrily, guiltily.

"Did you catch his name?" She looked up, trying to remember what the captain had called him.

"Noma, Numa, something like that." Every question she answered only seemed to anger him more. She waved her hand hoping to diffuse it. "But please, don't fret about it, it's over and I'd rather not think about it." With a frustrated growl he climbed off of her, standing beside the bed he ran a hand through his hair and then looked back at her.

"Did it happen while I was away?" She didn't want to respond but he wasn't going to let it go. She nodded and he turned, pacing for a moment before standing by his door and sighing. "I'm sorry, I just hate to see something like this happen to you." He rubbed his neck nervously, looking her over and realizing what terrible timing he had. "Are you hungry? I could make us something."

She smiled and sat up, "sure, that'd be nice." Pulling her shirt back over her head she slid off the bed and followed him out of the room.


	5. A Bad Day

Chapter Five: A Bad Day

* * *

Jin unlocked the door to her house, stepping inside as quietly as she could in case one of her parents had stayed home waiting for her to return. The shop had now been open for a couple hours and her shift was drawing nearer. When she first left Deidara's apartment this morning she felt confident in her decision and thought she might even tell her parents that it was her choice and she refused to discuss it. But with every passing minute, that small reserve of bravery she had was evaporating and the gravity of it all was beginning to sink in. Deidara might have been right about a lot of things but in the end this was not his problem. This was hers and hers alone. Maybe if she had seen him this morning he could have reassured her some but she had woken up alone to a note that said he had left in the early hours of the morning for work. She had felt strange about it and had been trying to shake it off all morning, it sure wasn't helping with her pre-existing troubles. But after last night, after what he did to her, she had expected something different than waking up alone to an empty room. She didn't blame him and could barely understand why she felt the way she did but nonetheless, the thought still aimed to torment her.

The walk to work was heavy with shame as she thought about the look on her father's face when she didn't come home that night and knowing that Modoka would be there to see her break her parent's hearts. She hadn't come up with an excuse, she couldn't lie about this. They'd see right through her.

She approached the shop slowly, taking it all in as if she'd never see it again. The weather worn canopies once green were now cracked and grey and the signs out front hand-painted by her mother and her when she was a child were chipping away. It had always been home in many ways, but seeing it now she realized she had never looked at it long enough to even notice when it had changed. She felt that way about a lot of things lately.

"Jin!" Modoka gasped as she walked through the door. The woman came out from behind the bench and wrapped her in a tender embrace. "Everyone has been so worried, they thought something happened to you last night on your way home." Another stab of guilt. Modoka pulled away and held her at arm's length. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, I really am." She put her hand on top of Modoka's, "Are they in the back?" The woman's face faltered and she gave a halfhearted nod, Jin thanked her and walked away. When she stepped through the swinging door into the small kitchen, her parents turned to look at her, appearing to have been arguing. Her mother's face was red and puffy from crying and her father looked just as crushed as she thought he would. Upon seeing her, her mother burst into tears again and came over to her, pulling her down into a tight and desperate embrace. Her father came up behind his wife.

"Where have you been?" He asked looking more concerned than accusatory.

"I-I slept at someone's apartment last night, nothing happened to me." Her mother pulled away, sniffing and Jin crept back, feeling ashamed.

"Someone's apartment? Who?" Her father asked, her mother seemed to be at a loss for words.

Jin grew quiet and pulled her eyes to the floor, unable to look at them any longer. "He's a friend of mine, father."

"A man?" Her mother's voice broke as she sobbed again, bringing the napkin in her hand up to her mouth as she turned and let out a low cry. "Jin, what are you doing? Why are you doing this to me?"

"Mother, please, I'm not trying to-"

"Did he touch you?"

Jin's eyes widened and she thought for a moment she'd be sick on the floor. She stumbled over her words, desperately wanting to say no but instead spitting out a desperate "please, just listen to me." Her eyes spilled over with tears and she held her hand up to her mouth. "Mom, please, I'm sorry, I-"

"Get out," she said quietly, taking in her daughter with a look of contempt and revulsion. Jin took an unsteady step back and looked frantically to her father. He turned his head and stepped away from the women. "I said get out!" Her mother screamed again, shocking Jin into a clumsy panic, she couldn't get out of that kitchen fast enough. The few customers sitting down all looked her way as she tore through the door to the lobby. She turned to look at Modoka who was staring alongside the rest, her hand was trembling near her mouth. She looked crushed.

"I'm so sorry," Jin whimpered. Under the scrutiny of everyone, she forced herself to move through the tea house with the illusion of dignity. She couldn't have been the only one still hearing her mother cry however. The rush of air that swept in when she pushed to the outside was painful on her lungs and tear stained face. It was exactly as she feared, she'd lost everyone.

The walk home was one she barely remembered. Her legs carried her by memory and she crept into her house feeling like a stranger. Slowly, she sank to her bed and threw a despondent look out the window.

 _What now?_

She dug through her closet for a bag and very carefully sifted through her clothes, packing what was important and dear to her. Her room, with its wear and well-loved interior, would be missed significantly. Her childhood was within these walls. Hours of sketching strangers passing outside her window, countless nights spent crying and laughing and existing in the simplest way one could, it would all stay behind as she stepped forward.

At the end of it she had stuffed her bag with clothes, a book and sketching supplies, and two pictures she made sure to hide between the pages of her book. They pained her to look at them but she just didn't have the heart to leave them behind. While she didn't believe that she'd never see this place again, she knew a significant amount of time would have to pass before that day came unless she decided to give in and beg for their forgiveness. But even still, they needed time.

Where Jin was going she wasn't quite sure. She didn't want to head straight to Deidara's because it was unlikely he'd be home yet and she didn't feel like sitting in that cold hallway outside his door, left to wallow. So she instead kept walking, stopping every once in a while to sit or to look into a shop. She bought herself a hot tea and sat by the window in a café uptown, watching people pass by. Funnily, she'd never felt more a part of the people in her town then she did in that moment. She could be anyone she wanted to be now, just like them with their meaningful lives and purposes. After she finished, she stopped in a bookstore, leaned against the railing of a bridge over a small river, and bought herself a sweet from a small stand on the side of the road. When four hours had passed she turned back around and walked to Deidara's apartment.

When Deidara answered the door he looked at her defeated expression and then to the bag in her hand and he stepped to the side. "Thank you," she said with a small bow. "I'm really sor-" He wrapped an arm around her and pulled her in, resting his chin atop her head and tangling his fingers in her hair. The wave of emotion that had been threatening to spill over for the past couple hours finally gave way and she broke into sobs against the front of shirt. They stayed like that until she calmed and he took her back to his room to lay down.

"I should have been there with you," he said as she finished telling him what had happened. They laid side by side on their backs, fingers hooked lazily together. "This is my fault too."

"I don't think about it like that," he looked over at her and she smiled. "I owe you a lot. More than I could probably ever give to you even."

He smirked, "Well that should be useful one day, I'll remember that."

She suddenly woke, finding herself alone in his room again. Making the movement to rub tiredly at her eyes was struggle enough, she felt exhausted. Last thing she recalled was lying with Deidara, at some point she must have fallen asleep. The light outside was nearly dark, she must have been sleeping for a couple hours. When she looked around for her bag, she found that all her stuff had been unpacked and neatly stored in his dresser. She found the gesture endearing, like a lot of the things he did. Deidara stood in the kitchen cutting vegetables on the counter when she made her way into the kitchen.

"Figured you'd be hungry when you woke up." He said as she approached. "Feel better?"

"Much better, thank you," she bowed. "Is there anything I can do to help?"

They cooked dinner together and after they had eaten he gave her another sculpting lesson. When they laid down to sleep that night, he pulled her close to him. She then wondered how it was possible to feel so happy and so sad at the same time.

The next morning she woke up prepared to be alone this time. He had told her the night before that he'd be leaving early but would be home before it was dark. He had looked sorry as he said it but she reassured him that she would be okay by herself. She took her time getting ready for the day, trying to adjust to the change in scenery. They hadn't talked at all about how long she'd be staying with him and she felt strange calling it anything besides Deidara's apartment. Making assumptions about it being her home too was out of the question. As it was, they had never even spoke about themselves and the nature of their relationship. She didn't know what he considered her to be and even though she knew what he was to her, she imagined him the type to have little interest in labeling themselves.

Whatever the case, she wanted to do what she could for him in return. She spent the day cleaning around the apartment, stepping out only once to go to the market for groceries and dinner. She was sitting at his workbench, leafing through several interesting books he had lying around when the sound of two voices filtered in from behind the front door. Deidara walked in with Modoka trailing behind him looking worried sick. "I've been looking for you since my shift ended last night." The woman ran past Deidara and pulled Jin into an unsuspecting hug. She pulled away and let her arms fall back to her side. "I was going to tell you that you were welcome to come to my house," she cast Deidara a strange glance, "but it looks like you've already made arrangements." In a quieter voice, she said, "can I talk to you alone?"

Deidara, who had been standing off to the side, watched Modoka unhappily and huffed.

"Of course," Jin nodded. She turned towards Deidara who didn't take his eyes off of Modoka. "I'll be right back."

"Hm," he grunted and turned towards his room, leaving them alone. Modoka pulled Jin outside for extra measure.

"I looked for you all day today." She said quickly. "I assumed whatever happened between you and your parents might have had something to do with him, I went from place to place looking for him and when I finally found him I asked if he could take me to you. Are you sure you're okay Jin, do you trust him enough to be staying with him?" Modoka searched Jin's eyes for a sign of anything that might have resembled doubt or fear, her own filled with concern and uneasiness.

"I'm really okay, he's been nothing but kind to me." Jin shook her head, confused. "Weren't you just telling me to live my own life? Isn't that what I'm doing?"

"Yes," she started. "I did, but this all happened so fast. I guess I'm just a little shaken up from this morning, thinking of you walking around and falling into the wrong hands had me worried sick."

"What happened this morning?" Jin used to get a lot of the town news at the tea shop, it was incredible how much she could learn just from walking around the room on a busy day.

"You didn't hear? They found a body in the river uptown, a shinobi's body. The whole village has been on high alert because of it." Now that she thought about, the streets did seem a little empty for a Friday. "He'd been badly burned but the police are saying it was the drowning that killed him." Her eyes flickered to the front door. "Please come stay with me, Jin."

"Modoka…" Jin patted the woman's hands in a nervous effort to reassure her. "I like it here. I mean, this was what this whole mess has been for, I don't want to leave." Modoka stepped back and considered her seriously, finally nodding.

"Alright, if you're sure, you know where I live if you change your mind. Just please be careful, okay?" Jin nodded, promising she would be.

Modoka had always been something like an older sister to Jin. She started working at the tea shop when she was sixteen and Jin was ten and she'd been the closest thing to a friend Jin ever had.

"Will you be okay walking home?" Jin asked as they said their goodbyes. Modoka grinned and pulled a kunai from her pocket.

"Picked it up yesterday, pretty frightening, right?" She laughed. They shared one more embrace before Jin watched her leave. When she walked back inside Deidara was waiting for her, watching the door with his arms crossed and face pulled into an unpleasant scowl.

"What did she want, hm?" He asked icily. "I tried asking her but she wouldn't tell me."

"She's just worried for me is all." He huffed and she walked into the kitchen to start making dinner. "Did you know a shinobi was killed recently? Did you know him?"

"Hm?" Deidara looked up at her, pulling himself from his thoughts. "Oh, yeah. Didn't know him. Did she ask you to leave and go with her?"

"What?" She paused, taken aback by his tone. "She did, but I told her that it wasn't necessary. Modoka cares about me probably more than anyone else." Deidara looked visibly upset by her comment but didn't say anything. "She's really harmless, don't be mad at her." Jin finished quietly.

"Fine."

He flippantly waved his hand and walked off towards the bathroom. She stared at the door with a wounded expression until she heard water running, she hadn't ever seen him like this. _You can't expect him to be happy every day just because you're here now,_ she thought. Everyone had bad days, it was understandable. She frowned and turned back to preparing dinner, wishing she had said something different.


	6. Baths

Chapter Six: Baths

* * *

Something was wrong with Deidara.

Jin began to notice odd things happening, beginning with the funeral.

It was a cold, overcast day. Dark clouds beyond the village shook with thunder, a sign that they had maybe two hours at most before the storm swept in. She had been staying with Deidara for three weeks now and was three days into her new job at the grocer's. She was finding it enjoyable enough, though she caught herself daydreaming often of the dark woods and earthy scents of the tea shop. She missed it, and them too, she thought. Every day that passed she considered it a new record of days away from home. She didn't think she'd ever get used to it, but she was still firm in her decision. These last three weeks with Deidara had been wonderful, though they were both busy much of the time, the time they did spend together was rich with tender emotion and new experiences.

A drop of water fell onto her head and she looked up, blinking at the slight drizzle. She opened up her umbrella and listened to the soft pitter patter of the rain as it fell around her. If she were being honest, those sweet days were beginning to dwindle though. Deidara spent much of his time feeling frustrated lately, often coming home from a day's work irritable and silent. She had at first felt guilty, maybe sharing his space was beginning to smother him, but she questioned that too as he would come to her before he went to sleep after ignoring her for most of the night, and it was the same thing every time.

"Can you come lay down with me? I've missed you," he'd say. And she always would, those moments where he held her close to him had become the most important part of her day. Some days he was like the Deidara she first met, all grins and loud laughter, a sharp mouth and a happy heart. But something was wrong and it was beginning to pull them apart.

Jin turned to look at the funeral being held in the field to her left, the majority of the occupants wore shinobi bands. It looked as if every shinobi in the village could be present. Deidara hadn't mentioned anything though. She kept walking.

The grocer's small building had an open canopied storefront that when closed were draped with heavy tarps. This store was more out of the way than the small market she usually shopped at, but she had needed a job and this was easy. The owner was a man around her father's age, maybe older, but the store was run in the front by his son, Mr. Mori. He glanced up as Jin walked in and then shook his head. "Thought you were a customer; we haven't had a single one all morning." Sighing, he went back to writing on his clipboard.

"There's a storm coming, I don't think many people want to risk getting caught in it." She tied an apron around her and began wiping down the countertops.

"Yeah, makes sense. The only ones brave enough to leave their houses are all at that funeral up the road and I don't think they'll be heading here once it's down. We might have to shut down shop early." He shrugged, hardly looking bothered. "But Namo deserves it, he was a good guy. Used to help dad and I unload shipments every week when he was still a genin. Shame what happened to him." Jin snapped her sights on him, her chest tightening with anxiety.

"Namo?" She breathed. "The shinobi?" Mori looked up at her and nodded.

"Don't get out much, do you? They found him about three weeks ago. Whoever did him in did one hell of a job, heard he was burnt so bad they cremated him just to finish the job." Mori laughed at his own joke and then cut himself off, cringing as he realized what he had just said out loud. "Anyways," he carried on, "it's a big deal when a shinobi dies, almost every shinobi in the village gets the day off to pay their respects and grieve." He looked out of the canopy at the dreary weather. "What a day for it, huh?"

Jin stood there, frozen. When Mori looked over at her she straightened up and got back to work, not feeling up to continuing the conversation.

It was, as she had thought, nearly two hours into her shift when the rain began to fall. Mori peered outside and frowned. "No sense in waiting around," he rubbed tiredly at his neck. "Head home kid before it really starts raining."

Jin finished up and said her farewells then left. The rain was beating against her umbrella now, the sound deafening as she walked as fast as her legs could carry her. She came to a stop in front of the field, now empty. She had to see it with her own eyes. Jin then stepped into the field, sinking almost instantly in the forming mud. With a grunt she tore her foot from the ground and pushed onwards. She hopped onto the stone landing and rushed under the small shelter. The small offering table held a number of objects and notes, one amongst them was a framed photo of three men standing next to each other near the gates of the village. Shaking, she picked it up. He was younger in the picture but there was no mistaking it. She thought back to Deidara and his sharp reaction when he'd found the bruise, his adamance at knowing who had done it and then his strange deflections whenever the dead shinobi was mentioned. Jin put the picture back down and stepped away. She felt ill.

As she continued her walk to Deidara's apartment, her mind was restless. Of course Deidara was capable of murder, it was part of the job, but this would be an act the village would find unforgivable. She shook her head, she didn't want to think about this now.

She trudged up the stairwell, kicking off her mud and grass caked shoes outside the door, they were likely ruined. When she entered the apartment she stilled, not expecting to see Deidara. He looked as equally surprised from where he sat on the floor. "Hm," he hummed. "I thought you were working today." He turned back to the open scroll laid out in front of him and resumed studying it.

"No use working in this weather," she shrugged as she hung up her jacket and brushed her long hair out with her fingers. Slowly, she walked past him and peered over to see what the scroll said. He turned a blue eye to hers and she looked away. "I thought you'd be gone today."

He shrugged, "unexpected day off."

"For the funeral?" He stilled very slightly but then just as soon relaxed again.

"Something like that, I guess." Speaking with an air of boredom, Deidara waved his hand as if it wasn't important enough to have his attention. A reaction he had started to have whenever she asked questions he didn't feel like answering.

"You didn't go?" She inquired, already knowing the answer.

"I've been busy."

"Oh?" She walked into the open kitchen. "Would you like a cup of tea?" she asked as she put water in the pot.

"What's with all these damn questions?" He grumbled, too absorbed in the scroll to bother looking up. "And sure, thanks." She kept quiet this time.

On top of his unpredictable behavior, he had also been leaving in the early hours of the morning every morning for two weeks now. At first Jin had thought it had been necessary for his job, but when he started doing it on days he had off, making sure he was back before Jin woke up, she figured he was hiding something. She had started feigning sleep in the morning as he left which wasn't always easy as his shinobi grace made it easy for him to move noiselessly around. But nerves were beginning to make her a light sleeper and the moment the warmth and weight of his body left her, she'd stir. _This isn't what I thought it would be like_ , she thought, almost immediately forcing the thought out. She was indebted to him and in his time of need she should be there for comfort, not criticisms.

When the tea was finished she sat Deidara's cup down and then sat behind him with her own. "What are you studying?" she asked quietly. She gathered up his long golden locks and placed them over his shoulder, gently placing her hands on his shoulders to knead the tension out. He made a small sound of appreciation, leaning back into her touch.

"I'm trying to teach myself some new tricks," he sighed. "It's exhausting." He dropped his head and closed his eyes. "That feels nice, hm."

She quietly worked, stopping only occasionally to sip at her tea. She had to be careful, any wrong conversation could flip his mood and she was feeling somewhat close to him for the first time in a few days. She didn't want to ruin that. They kept in silence for a while and she moved from shoulders to back and then to his arms. He placed a hand over hers to stop her and turned to look over his shoulder. A guilty expression twisted his boyish features.

"There's so much that I want to tell you Jin, but I can't just yet." She was almost afraid to look at him, only doing so after he turned himself around to face her. At least she could find comfort in the fact that he could sense where her discomforts were stemming from. "I need you to really trust me though."

She looked over at him sadly. "With what?"

"To do what's best for us." He looked at his hands, eyebrows drawn together and looking troubled. A small frustrated sigh left his lips. "I'm sorry, you shouldn't have to worry about things like this. But it's important and I want you to think about it." She frowned but didn't bother pointing out that she didn't even know what she should be worried about.

He ran a hand through his hair and he relaxed his face, smiling warmly at her.

This boy, so unpredictable.

"We're stuck inside until this rain stops, might as well make the most of it, yeah?" That soft expression shifted into something mischievous and he made effort to stop the smirk he could feel pulling at the corners of his mouth. Watching her fidget under his stare always amused him. "How about a bath?"

Her face paled and she made to say something, stuttered, and then looked away as a blush painted her cheeks. Without waiting for her to make another attempt to answer, he stood and then extended a hand to her. Nervously, she looked up at him, finally caving and letting him help her stand. "Come on, you'll like it. Just a bath, I promise." He cooed.

Deidara and her had been intimate several times since her first encounter, but they'd yet to have sex. It wasn't that she didn't want to, but she was nervous. Deidara had offered to help ease her into it and so now, during every intimate encounter they shared, he went a little further. She enjoyed his attention and care but couldn't shake feeling guilty because of that reason.

"It's just sex," he had said. Jin felt a little crushed at the time due to his nonchalant attitude because that's not at all how she felt and if that's how he saw it, she probably wasn't the first person he'd been with. But she was trying to see it his way, though she feared reacting too emotionally to the experience and if he didn't return the feeling she'd be mortified.

He drew the bath and turned towards her while the tub filled. "You alright?" She nodded weakly. "Don't be nervous," he brushed a tendril of hair from her face and tucked it behind her ear. "I'll take good care of you," and he kissed her forehead for good measure. When the bath was finished filling, he stood in front of her and smiled sweetly. "Need help?"

She laughed and turned away from him, feeling the apprehension lessen. "I can manage, thanks, but don't watch me!" She looked back at him to make sure he was listening, rolling her eyes with a grin when he peeked out from under his hand. He laughed and covered his eyes again, his smile wide and bright.

"I'm not looking, I swear it."

"You're terrible," she said as she slowly slipped from her clothes. This was probably the hardest part for her, full exposure. It wasn't the first time he'd seen her body yet somehow, every time felt just as nerve wracking as the first. When she finished undressing, his hands crept around her waist and he pulled her towards him.

"You're so beautiful," he purred into her neck. Her heart felt like it stuttered. "My favorite work of art." Gripping her, he turned her towards him and held her at arm's length, taking her in in full.

"Stop looking at me like that," she covered her breasts with her arm and gave him a mock glare. "I'm getting in, hurry up." She watched him undress with cool interest, shyly looking away as he moved to unbutton his pants.

"I don't care if you look," he sounded proud and she splashed a bit of water playfully at him.

"Deidara, shut up and get in the water."

She sat between his legs, leaning back and resting against his chest as his arms wrapped around her, keeping her close. Every once in a while he'd drop a kiss on the back of her head or rub his hand up her side from her hip to her breast, gentle and lazy. "Deidara?" She asked quietly, breaking the quiet.

"Hm?" He mumbled.

"Is everything okay?" He didn't answer at first and she thought she might have asked the wrong question.

Then he sighed. "No. I'm really beginning to hate this place," he said, his voice low.

She understood what he meant. "Sure, but it's home, isn't it?"

He scoffed. "Home is wherever you want it to be. You're my home, not this place. I've got nothing tying me here, I mean, that is, if you'd come with me."

"Where are we going?"

"I don't know," he shrugged. "I haven't decided yet. But wherever we go it's going to be far away from here. They all underestimate me; I can't stand it." Deidara had never mentioned this before and she stayed quiet in hopes he would continue. "But I'm going to show them, all of them." There was a way about the tone he spoke in, detached and cold. "It's almost ready," he breathed out quietly. She turned her head towards her shoulder.

"What's almost ready?" She asked carefully, he paused as if he'd only just realized he had said it out loud.

"Nothing for you to worry about," he said. "Now come on, the water's getting cold."

She sat on the floor some six feet away from Deidara who had resumed his position in front of the scroll he'd been studying earlier. Her knees were drawn up and sketchbook balancing, she slowly took her eyes from the paper to him then back to paper. The scratch of pencil was the only sound the two of them made, along with small hums from Deidara every once in a while as he seemed to piece together information. She enjoyed drawing him, he held himself with such grace and confidence and he'd quickly become her favorite subject matter. She felt strange for thinking of him like this, as if he were everything good in the world. It was something very close to love but she refused to think about it long enough to put a name on it.

Whatever it was, she was hopelessly captured by it.

* * *

 **A/N:** Because this story isn't getting much traffic, I'm going to start updating it on Wednesdays only so I can update my other, more active story. I apologize to those who enjoy getting an update twice a week. Thank you for reading and if I'm doing anything that could be improved let me know!


	7. The Art of a Single Moment

Chapter Seven: The Art of a Single Moment

* * *

Deidara perched on the roof of a building across the street from the Tsuchikage tower, he smirked and adjusted the eye scope he'd been developing, getting a closer look at the two patrol chunin that paced back and forth near the entrance. The night sky was quilted with thick cloud cover, effectively shielding the village from the cool light of the moon. At this time of night, once all the shops and bars had closed, the village was plunged into an inky darkness. Deidara felt lucky, this was going to be _easy._

He took his sights back to the tower, first looking at the largest tower addition jutting out from the main structure where he knew Ōnoki slept, he wanted to finish this without involving him, it would be nothing but trouble and he wasn't so headstrong to believe he could take on Ōnoki singlehandedly, even with the kinjutsu. His gaze slid over to the highest addition where he knew there was a room where all the villages forbidden jutsu techniques were stored away, _what a waste,_ he thought. He felt remarkably privileged to have been trained under the old man, it granted him opportunities few had. It was after all how he had come to learn of the kinjutsu in the first place. Akatsuchi and himself had been made to deliver a stack of undefined scrolls to the room when he had spotted a small scroll in the corner he didn't recognize. He'd spent enough time in this room looking through scrolls out of curiosity but he hadn't ever seen that one. When he later asked Ōnoki about it he went home that night mulling over what it could mean applied to his own kekkei genkai.

It had been a thought that followed him for nearly two years and he had worked tirelessly to prepare himself for this exact moment. He had been spending the past two weeks gathering his outside contacts, mapping out several getaway routes, and setting various paper bombs and wire traps in these areas if he managed to get himself noticed. And the kinjutsu, if it came down to it and if it worked in the way he believed it would, his deflections would buy him just enough time to retrieve Jin and their bags he had packed the night before and get away with as little damage to his person as possible. Jin was the only part he was worried about. He wasn't sure how she'd react, naturally it wouldn't be good but he couldn't leave without her. He felt somewhat guilty trapping her like that but his options were slim. It came down to the two of them safely fleeing the village and he'd do whatever necessary to ensure that happened, even it meant having to resort to force the entire way through. One day she'd forgive him, she'd have to.

But that wasn't important just yet, he forced his attention back to the task at hand. He had placed a small jam in a window in a hallway of the highest tower, routinely checking back throughout the week to make sure it was still there, unnoticed. He really did have an unfair advantage, being so close to the Tsuchikage gave him access to all sorts of things, including the keys he'd need to get into the room. Ōnoki was really losing his edge, the old man, hadn't even noticed they'd been swiped from his desk.

Deidara looked again at the two chunin men. He had spent much of these dark nights watching for patterns in their behavior and work. These evening shifts alternated between two pairs every other day, pair A, he observed, were a pair that seemed to bicker a lot about anything they could. Which was the very reason he chose this pair to go around, compared to pair B who stayed quiet and dutifully did their job. And right on time, the pair, talking in hushed voices about the best way to prepare eel, moved to patrol the other side of the building. Deidara pounced over to the tower, using his chakra to cling to the side of the building with the support of small indentations in the rock, he scaled it until he pulled himself up onto the sloped roof of the tower the scroll was in. Fingers unlatched a tightly wound cord he had attached to his belt and wrapped it around a rocky protrusion. He pulled it snug and slowly lowered himself over the edge of the roof towards the window he'd propped open. Pulling himself in with hardly a sound, he made sure to replace the wedge for a quick escape. This was going just as he had envisioned it. Every step in his plan that he had spent countless hours calculating and putting together, he was impressed with himself for executing it with such grace, as he knew he would.

There were many rooms in the hallway he stood in but he knew which one he was looking for. It was the only unmarked door on the left. He shut his eyes and slipped up against a wall, listening for any sort of sign or sound that he had been heard or sensed but was met with nothing. The smirk that felt plastered to his face grew wider and he felt frenetic with excitement. Like a shadow, he moved quickly to unlock the door, slipping inside fluidly before shutting himself in. The scroll hadn't moved since he last saw it and just looking at it now made his hands tremble slightly. He hadn't felt a rush like this since he'd lit that shinobi on fire and watched him madly try to put himself out in the river, the thrill was unreal. He plucked it up and turned it over in his fingers. It was light in weight with ornate details on the edges of the scroll in red and gold, faded with age. He brought his fingers up to his mouth and released the seal.

Deidara liked to indulge in his battles, often drawing them out for his own amusement, it was something Ōnoki had always found to be irritating and scolded Deidara often for it. That was just the type of person he was though. He knew he had a sadistic streak and for years he had tried to suppress it but challenging himself to be as creative as possible with his executions of enemies and strategies alike just happened to play upon this part of him. He had the most fun when he gave in to his impulses and he loved a good fight. Which is why he opened the scroll right there, he just _couldn't_ wait.

He slipped a finger under the edge of the parchment and pulled it open, eyes rapidly sliding from word to word. This was going to hurt.

Deidara placed the scroll on the ground and kneeled before it, opening it fully to reveal a large seal big enough for both of his hands. Now all he needed was the blood. Per the instructions listed in the scroll, Deidara pulled a kunai from his pouch and held out his left hand. Without hesitation, he swiped the blade across his palm, hissing as the wound immediately started pouring. Painfully and a little slower than the first time, he then cut open his right. His breathing was getting heavier and he grunted in pain as he looked over his split, raw hands. Time was of the essence he remembered and he slapped his palms to the seal.

An intense wave of pain washed over him, more severe than anything he'd ever felt before. It was so blinding he didn't realize he'd been yelling at the top of his lungs. He pulled back from the scroll, slipping backwards to the ground between gasps of pain. But he felt power concentrating in new places and despite the agonizing burn raging throughout his body he threw his head back and laughed, unhinged.

From the floor below he heard footfalls beating heavily against the ground as they ran up the stairs towards the source of the noise he'd made. He gathered up the sopping bloody mess of a scroll and placed it in a pocket on his leg and then stood, tearing towards the door. As soon as he flew through the doorframe two shinobi he'd met briefly just once before came to a skidding halt behind him. They stared at each other for a second before Deidara slipped his hand into his pouch and pulled out a kunai with a paper bomb attached to it. He grinned at the pair as he threw it and then flung himself towards the window. He heard the kunai land its target with a satisfying squelch and as he was slipping his body back out the window he heard a yell of surprise followed by a deafening blast. The heat trailed his heels as he jumped to the nearest building, pushing himself off again with the force of his landing, he jumped down into the middle of a small alleyway. He pulled a wire near his feet tight and secured it around the peg in the wall he'd prepared, the slack wires at the opening of the alley pulled tight across it in a web of razor sharp wire and paper bombs.

Another shock of pain shot through his arms from his hands and he tenderly pried them open. The smooth gapes of his hands felt numb and apart from him, and he noticed with a turn of his stomach why. The gape began to widen and slowly a thick tongue dripping with blood and saliva emerged from the opening and lapped at what he now realized were lips set dead center in his palms. The thing bared its teeth and he clenched his hand tightly closed. That was also a problem that didn't need to be addressed just yet. He shook the shock of it away, realizing he'd already cost himself enough time, he ran off to the end of the alley, took the corner down a dark street and then hopped over a fence. He needed to stay low until he was a safe enough distance away, nobody that was still alive had seen his face but there were definitely people being dispatched to look for the intruder. The world behind him lit up and he gave a low laugh to himself, pleased to hear that one of his traps had detonated.

He was running down a street alongside civilian houses when a kunai came whistling through the air, he ducked into a roll and then slid back to face his attacker, narrowly avoiding the weapon. A jonin named Tomiichi stood before him, breathing heavily from running. His stance was wide and another kunai was in his hand, Deidara tilted his head and gave a throaty huff. "Are you going to stop me?" He mocked.

"What are you doing, Deidara? Do you know what the village will do to you for this? You're a traitor now!" The man yelled almost pleadingly. It was a perfect target, he just needed to keep him talking for a moment more. Deidara reached into one of his pouches slowly and pulled out a small ball of clay.

"I'm not a traitor," Deidara countered darkly. "I'm an artist." The tongue on his hand slipped out hungrily and Deidara pushed the clay in painfully. He winced. He hoped this worked, it took him months to piece together a theory, pulled from countless different books based on techniques both old and new. He hadn't expected the mouths but he could feel the pulsing chakra building up behind them and he knew that it couldn't be hard to achieve what he wanted.

The man scoffed and raised the kunai, glaring Deidara down. "You always were the weird one." The jonin started running towards him just as a small creature crawled from Deidara's hand. His face twisted in eager madness as he felt the trace of a connection between himself and his creation. Deidara jumped back right as Tomiichi's kunai made a quick slash at his stomach. With force and feeling, Deidara threw the clay creature at Tomiichi and it stuck, crawling up towards his neck.

This was it. He held his fingers up to his mouth and channeled as much focus into the bomb as he could. The force of the explosion sent Deidara reeling backwards with his arms over his head. He hadn't expected such a small specimen to have such large power. The breath caught in his throat as he lowered his arms and surveyed the aftermath of what he'd just done.

He'd never been so touched by something, the beauty and raw expression of the explosion juxtaposed with the vivid gore that splattered the ground, he had redefined art. Such fragile little things humans were, he'd always loved the utter destruction brought on by fire and force, the deconstructed human form, the singed environment, he lived for it. Reaching into his pouch, he opened his hand and let the tongue pull clay into its unsatiated waiting mouth. As much as he wanted to keep playing, he had to finish this before it got out of hand. He turned and headed back towards his apartment, his hand happily smacking away by his side.

* * *

It had taken Jin an unreasonably long time to fall asleep that night. Things with Deidara over the past few days could only have been described as _strange_. He was in and out of an incredible dour silence and a giddy joy that was both beautiful and menacing. There was a new seriousness to his detached gaze, a new urgency to his touch and it had to mean something.

When she finally fell asleep it wasn't but forty minutes later that she felt the bed shift slowly and heard the gentle creep of Deidara leaving like he often did. She laid there bleary-eyed and drained, wondering how much longer she could live like this. It was exhausting. It felt like such a long time before she willed herself to move and accept that sleep had evaded her once again. She dragged herself to the kitchen and started the kettle for tea.

This wasn't the first night this had happened and she feared that she'd never sleep well or live normally again. It felt like it had been ages since she'd seen her parents but it had only been three months. Three long months that felt like a continuous out of body experience, some days it felt like she was looking into this window of her life and all she could do was watch as it happened. Other days she felt like she'd burst with joy, and those days were wonderful because during them she'd fall in love with life ten times over again. And it was all thanks to him.

She watched her tea steep and figured this was just how things had to be.

There were books all around Deidara's apartment, he had a nice collection mostly made up of classic works, art books, and foreign philosophies. She had taken to reading them in an effort to get to know him better but enjoyed it all the same. It had been a little over two hours when she heard the first explosion.

She stilled with the book in her hand and tried to figure out what direction the distant sound had come from. When nothing followed she nervously sunk back into the chair and continued reading. By the time the second and third explosion happened she had already gotten up and changed, throwing on her shoes before running out the door. There was a feeling in her stomach that wasn't sitting right and an accusation on her tongue that she couldn't bring herself to say. She rushed down the stairs and into the street, looking around until she found the columns of smoke drifting towards the sky.

A dark figure rounded the corner and Jin stumbled back as he came straight at her. _"Deidara!"_ she gasped when she realized it was him. He was dirty with soot and blood and his face was simply glowing with elation.

"You're here!" He grabbed her by the face with his sticky hands and kissed her firmly on the mouth. His demeanor shifted instantly, an air of incredible seriousness drawing her gaze to his as he pulled away. "We need to leave now."

"W-what?" Her voice was a breath of fear on the night air. Deidara took a careful step back and placed a single finger to his lip signifying her silence was crucial to their safety. The lone blue eye she could see was wide with the frightening madness she had seen growing these past weeks.

"Stay here," he said before flickering off to his apartment. His door was flung open, spilling the yellow glow from inside his apartment into the dark night. He reappeared just as quickly and leapt back down to her, his breathing erratic. He thrust a bag into her hands, "put it on, quickly, come on."

"Deidara what's going-"

"I promise I will tell you everything if you come with me," he looked at her pleadingly. "Please, Jin, come with me. I need you." She opened her mouth but couldn't find the right words so she looked at the bag in her hands and wildly prodded her mind for some clue as to what to do. "Jin!" He yelled and she was startled back to him. She nodded fearfully and put her backpack on as he put his own bag backwards over his chest. She climbed on his back and put her head down as he took off with an impressive burst of speed. "We're almost there," he said. She dared to look up, watching the impressively large gates of Iwagakure looming upon them. Her heart tightened in her chest. She had never left the village, let alone fled it. Movement blurred near the gates and Deidara made a quick hand movement. She heard the kunai strike and the unmistakable thud of a body crashing to the ground. As they passed through the gates she heard more pursuers and she cried out in fear.

"Deidara, they're getting closer!"

"I know that," he ground out. He leapt upwards in a series of three landings and then shook her down onto the top of the rock. "Stay here, I'll be right back." He dropped his bag and before she could say anything back he leapt off the rock, heading right into the five Jonin that were advancing. She couldn't move, not until the shocking burst of red and yellow blinded her and she stumbled back with a yell. Deidara jumped back and made another series of signs, he threw something into the air and in a puff of smoke a large white bird stretched its clipped wings out. When he jumped onto its back it flew towards her. "I want to show you something!" He held out his hand and smiled wide. Slowly she bent down and picked up their bags, slinging one over her shoulder. He caught her in his arms when he pulled her up and with a lurch the bird shot upwards. Her back was pressed to his chest as one arm of his held her steadily in place. His mouth was near her ear and he whispered to her, dripping with excitement, "Don't look away." Their bird leveled out and floated in place, far above the village. Deidara threw something into the air and they expanded into four bird like animals. He held a hand up to his mouth and they shot towards the ground.

As long as she lived she would never forget the moment her village lit up with a deafening explosion and Deidara, clutching her tightly, threw his head back and laughed in rapture.


	8. Fevers and Feelings

**A/N:** I'll be busy tomorrow so here's an early release. Feedback appreciated! Alsooo, I'm almost finished with my SasoDei one-shot, all smut. If anyone is interested in checking that out, I'm hoping to have it uploaded by Thursday. It's pretty nasty, if I do say so myself.

* * *

Chapter Eight: Fevers and Feelings

* * *

The world as she had known it for seventeen years shattered beneath her. No matter how tightly she shut her eyes she could not escape the crazed delight that left Deidara shaking at her back. Nor the smell of the explosion, acrid and electrical or the heat that blasted upwards like a furnace, unforgiving. It was assaulting all her senses despite her efforts to shut them out. "What are you doing?" Her voice came out small and frightened but it was all the strength she could muster.

"Well, that worked better than I thought it would," his laughing trailed off and he looked at Jin from behind, curiously watching as her head fell forward and her shoulders shook with emotion. He frowned, having expected a less than enthused reaction from her he still didn't like the way she was gently pulling herself from his grip. He tightened his hold in response, pulling her flat to his chest. The bird went above the smoke, circling the village once before setting off into the desolate rocky landscape beyond. "I told you I'd take you away from here, didn't I? You didn't seem to mind the idea then, hm." He spoke bitterly.

"Don't," she muttered. "Just stop talking."

He rolled his eyes and let her go, she was unsteady on her feet and she quickly collapsed to her knees, clutching at the clay desperately. The air rushed around them, threatening to take flight with her if she wasn't careful. "I can't talk to you when you get like this anyway," he spat. The bit of guilt leftover in his chest told him he was being too hard on her. The stern look he was casting her from the corner of his eye softened and he chose to look elsewhere. "Hm, I think we both just need a bit of sleep."

He directed the bird towards the mountain ranges where he had previously scouted for a small cave to escape to. When he landed at the mouth of the cave, he jumped from the bird and turned towards Jin. "Come on." She lifted her head slightly at his soft demand and peered at him through her tangled hair. She looked frightened of him and he hated it. Without waiting for her to protest, he hopped back towards her and picked her up, ignoring as she cried out in surprise. He released her as soon as he touched the floor and she stumbled clumsily back on weak legs, trying to create a distance between them. Deidara cut his chakra from the bird and it disappeared just as it had come.

"Please, don't touch me." She crept back up against the wall and watched him as if she expected him to lunge at her. Deidara sighed and cupped his forehead with his dirty hand, this was frustrating to say the least.

"I'm not going to hurt you; I would never do that." He looked back up at her with a tired, irked expression. "You haven't even listened to anything I have to say, how is that fair?" Her face moved from fearful to furious and she clenched her fists tight.

"Deidara, you just hurt all those innocent people and then laughed about it! Do you realize how insane you look?" He was taken aback momentarily, she had never talked back to him that way. But now that he considered it, this had been a rather poor introduction for her. "M-my parents were down there, Modoka too, wh-what if you hurt them?" The thought just occurred to her and she clutched at her stomach fearing she might get sick.

"Your parents turned their back on you the minute you started thinking for yourself," he snapped. "How can you stand that?!"

"Do you even hear yourself?!" She yelled back incredulously. "Are you even capable of loving anyone besides yourself?" Her words ended with a harsh sob.

A cold chill swept in from the mouth of the cave and he glanced back, morning would be coming soon. His entire body ached and now that the adrenaline was wearing off he was beginning to feel the strain he had put on himself. A rush of dizziness swept over him and he stumbled, unable to catch himself as he landed painfully on his hands and knees. There was a new, slow pain in his chest and he clutched at it hopelessly. Jin's breath caught in her throat and she hesitated as she looked over him. When a fit of coughing overtook him she shrank to his level and put a hand timidly on his shoulder. He angrily swatted it away and fell back to a sitting position, coughing again. "Don't act like you care about me now," he managed to spit out. She withdrew her hand and pulled her eyebrows together.

"Deidara," she wore a wounded expression that reached the depressed tone of her words. "Of course I care. I…I love you. I wouldn't be here if I didn't." The anger and pain on his face was wiped away as he stared startled at the girl in front of him, her shoulders drooped and she looked ashamed as she studied the floor beneath his feet. At first he couldn't make the connection. If she loved him then shouldn't she be more appreciative of what he'd done? Shouldn't she feel relieved that they could finally have a life together, unrestrained by the unforgiving eye of authority? But love was complicated, he knew that even if that's all he did understand about the subject. Maybe all she needed was time, if she was being honest and knew what she was talking about then all she needed to do was give in to what she really wanted. Of course, these things don't always come about so easily, he'd need to help her get there.

"Hm," he stretched his legs out and leaned back until he was laying on the ground. The movement shook him painfully but as soon as he breathed out, his body relaxed into the cold, stone floor. "You must be tired." He wasn't looking at her but he knew she was waiting by with bated breath to see his reaction to her sudden confession. "You'll get too cold if you don't come lay by me," he muttered, his eyes closing. He wouldn't be awake for much longer but he stayed conscious just long enough to feel Jin curl up beside him, her head on his chest.

Jin woke sometime around ten in the morning. She came to with a start and the wave of sickness she had hoped would be staved off by sleep washed over her once more. Slowly, she sat up and looked at the pale figure next to her. Beneath the many layers of ash, dirt, and blood Deidara was sickly pale, shivering, and sweating. His eyebrows drew together and he frowned deeply in his sleep. She decided not to wake him and stood up instead, dusting herself off as she crept to the front of the cave into the sunlight.

It was a particularly nice day out. The sky was bright but cluttered with thick white clouds, it cast curious shadows across the lengths of land she could see from how high up they were. She wouldn't have even noticed where the village was if it hadn't been for the large cloud of smoke that swam over it, everything else before it was grey and rocky, creeping with low shrubbery. For some time, she sat near the drop and just watched. The sunlight felt good against her skin and she turned her dirty face up towards it. She couldn't form a coherent thought, as soon as she'd start it would blur and she'd lose focus. Her body was telling her something and she stopped trying to force the issue, it was probably for the best anyways.

Deidara was mumbling to himself and she turned around at the jumbled noise. He was still sleeping but he was looking worse. She decided it might be best to watch over him and returned, sitting against the wall near his feet. She watched him toss and turn, agonized and ill. It was around four when Deidara finally opened his eyes.

He jolted upright and panted, looking pained. "You've been asleep for most of the day, I think it's somewhere around four judging by the sun's position." He jerked his head towards Jin and stared, as if he'd forgotten he wasn't alone. "You have a fever." She watched him with an empty, dull look.

"J-Jin," his voice shook. "We need to leave."

"Deidara, you're sick. You need to rest."

He ignored her and forced himself upwards, shaking away the wooziness that threatened to take him back down. Jin jumped up after him, frustrated. "They'll be looking for us, we have to go." He didn't mean to slur his words but that's how they presented themselves nonetheless.

"And what, are you going to fly off again?" She pointed towards the mouth of the cave forcefully. "It's broad daylight out, if anyone is looking for _you_ you'll be a moving target in the sky, fully exposed." Another painful jab struck him through the chest and he clutched, feeling like he'd break skin. He doubled over and yelled out an obscenity. Jin's anger left her almost immediately and she stepped towards him, catching him in her arms as he swayed unsteadily forward. "What is it?"

"M'fine," he tried to push away but was taken over once more as the pain rolled back in. She helped him lean against the wall and then ran over to their bags.

"You need water, please tell me you brought some." She started to search the bag frantically but a grunt from behind her told her that it was useless, they didn't have any.

Deidara braced himself with one hand against the wall and he looked at his palm to see if anything had changed. The mouth was closed but as if it sensed his attention, it smiled up at him and smacked its lips hungrily. When Jin looked over at him he snapped his hand shut and thrust it into his pouch. A groan escaped him as the mouth opened wide, feeling like a day-old wound being slowly reopened. He felt the trickle of fresh blood slide down his fingertips. His body was trying to reject the kinjutsu, he had heard of this happening with other types of kinjutsu, it was usually a sign that the user didn't have enough chakra to properly wield it. He doubted this be the case. Having spent an incredible amount of time preparing his body and strength for this, it wasn't possible he was too weak for it. He had already surpassed half the village's jonin in power and ability, his place in the explosion corps had been praised and he was the youngest member to date having been admitted when he was only fourteen. He would have to read the scroll more vigilantly when he had the chance.

"I know where there's a river, we should be able to find shelter for the night there too." A small creature crawled from his hand and he took it out of the pouch, tossing it up and enlarging it. Jin eyed the bird with distrust. "Don't worry, I'll stay low." He pushed himself off the wall, his body protesting with every step he took. Jin grabbed their bags and stepped onto the bird as it lowered itself to the ground. Deidara tried to stand but finally gave in and sat with his legs crossed. Jin sat behind him to make sure he stayed steady.

The bird spread its wings and very gently rose into the air, slowly lowering itself from the top of the cliff to within jumping distance from the ground. Deidara shuddered and moaned in pain every once in a while, and Jin, unsure of how to help or interact with him just watched with a worried look. The sun was already beginning to set when they came to a stop. They had entered an area lined with thick trees, and the cover made her feel significantly safer. Deidara had only gotten worse though. Jin helped him climb down from his creature and walked him over to the riverside. When he approached the water, he knelt himself down and took several shaky sips until Jin came to help him with that too.

The night was rough on them both. Jin had built a fire with Deidara instructing her how as he sat up against a tree. When she'd gotten him as comfortable as he could be, she spent the night walking back and forth to the river, wringing out water from a shirt she had pulled from the bag into his mouth. When he stopped shaking and was sleeping somewhat peacefully, she laid her head down in his lap and fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.

When she woke the next day, she was laying with her face resting against one of their bags, Deidara missing. Yawning, she sat up and looked around, her gaze settling on Deidara who was washing himself by the river. She made her way over to him, "feeling better?" She asked as he bent over the riverside and scrubbed at his submerged hair.

"Much. My fever broke," he turned his head and looked at her from under his arm. "Thanks to you." A gentle, cautious smile touched at his lips and she returned it weakly. Everything was still too fresh. Deidara stood and squeezed the excess water out of his long hair, he was looking much healthier beneath all that grime. When he turned towards her she recoiled and gasped.

"Your chest…" he glanced down at the red and purple mound on his chest she was gaping at and frowned. "What is that?"

"No idea," he poked at it and winced. "But it hurts like hell." After the unexpected side effects on his hands, Deidara figured whatever was happening to his chest would likely be something much worse. This was a new type of painful, unlike the sharp intensity in his hands, this was much deeper, more drawn out. He hoped Jin wasn't the squeamish type.

She sat by the water's edge as he finished cleaning himself up, neither of them speaking. It was a tense and uneasy sort of silence. She waited until he had dressed himself and wandered back over to their little clearing before she undressed herself down to her under garments and stepped into the frigid water. It seemed to take ages to scrub herself clean of all the filth she'd accumulated over the last two days, by the time she finished her skin was pink and tender. She dressed herself in clean clothes and reluctantly crept back to the clearing.

She found Deidara standing by one of his birds, a long blood splattered scroll stretched open before him and a backpack hanging from one shoulder. He glanced up. "Hey, catch." He tossed a small item to her and she clumsily caught it. Turning the protein bar over in her hand, her stomach suddenly ached with hunger. "I've sent a message to a contact farther out west, I should be getting a reply any minute now. As soon as we get to our location, I'll find us a hotel and you can sleep in a real bed." She gave a short bow and mumbled thanks, taking a quick bite to avoid having to say anything else to him.

When she was finished eating, feeling generally unsatisfied but confident that she'd live another day, she sat down on a nearby rock and stared at Deidara. Had she ever really known him? It seemed like yesterday that they'd met for the first time, it nearly was. But in all that time, had there been signs she hadn't been paying attention to? Could she have changed this, possibly changed him? She knew none of this had anything to do with her but to the rest of the world she was still an accomplice, not to mention she was still here, following him around. That made her the worst kind of traitor, a spineless one.

"Deidara," she finally said. Her voice was firm and cool. He looked up at her from over his scroll, eyebrow raised. "You told me you'd tell me what was going on if I came with you." Deidara hummed but resumed scanning the stained parchment. It was obvious this was one of those questions he wasn't too thrilled to answer. "And I'm here aren't I? So I think you owe it to me." A small laugh left him and he shook his head with amusement.

"You're cute when you're angry," he teased playfully as he rolled up the scroll and returned it to his pocket. "But fine, I guess you have a good point. What do you want to know first?"

The list of things she wanted to know was growing longer by the minute, but she started at the most basic place. "I want to know about last night," she kept her voice stony, demanding to be taken seriously.

Deidara pushed his brows together and looked off as if the question were a complicated one. "I guess the short of it is that I've never felt happy in Iwagakure," he finally shrugged. "I don't work well under other people's rules; it stifles my creativity. So, I took something from the village, a technique, to refine my talents as an artist and a fighter and I've never felt more inspired in my life." he finished off succinctly.

"But why hurt all those people?" She asked, frustration seeping through.

He gave another small laugh. "You're right in that they didn't do anything to particularly deserve what they got but it was symbolic, besides," his tone grew more serious and he fixed his exposed eye on her. "You can't say that those people were worth much in the first place. You weren't happy there either. I mean, what did you ever gain from living there?"

"It gave me you," she mumbled. Deidara felt another surge of guilt pass through him. He'd been having these flashes since he'd woken up and saw her dirty face in his lap, she was having a bad dream. He didn't doubt that it had been about him.

"I could say the same, that's why we're here now. You were the only thing worth saving from that place, you know." She knew that tone of his well. He was sorry for being so hostile, so impatient. Deidara dropped his bag and walked over to her. When he sat down next to her their arms were touching but neither moved away. Sometimes Deidara felt beyond his years and other times like now, when he looked so unsure and nervous, he looked like the seventeen-year old boy she knew he was at his core. Still as confused as anybody else.

"Thank you." She offered back quietly. The reality of it was that Deidara was all she had left now. What's done was done and he had been the only person to ever care in the first place, that had to be worth something. He might not have returned her verbal admittance of her feelings towards him, but he showed his in different ways. Ways she didn't entirely understand but knew they meant a great deal coming from him. She just couldn't think about what he'd done, with that out of the way she saw herself having the future with him she wanted from the start. She reached over to close the distance between them and wrapped her hand around his, not noticing as he went rigid beneath her touch. "Oh," she slipped her fingers from his hand almost immediately. "Deidara," she breathed looking at the bright red smear on her fingertips. "You're bleeding."


	9. A Town Bright with Color

Chapter Nine: A Town Bright with Color

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 _She reached over to close the distance between them and wrapped her hand around his, not noticing as he went rigid beneath her touch. "Oh," she slipped her fingers from his hand almost immediately. "Deidara," she breathed looking at the bright red smear on her fingertips. "You're bleeding."_

* * *

The entire event happened in a mere few seconds, but for Jin, who watched as a sopping tongue flickered after her blood-stained fingertips, it felt like it lasted an eternity. She froze on the spot, hand still held out in front of her for observation, but her gaze was distant and pale, like she'd seen a ghost. Deidara immediately snapped his hand shut but it was too late, he knew that. She had already seen it. "Is that…?"

Impossible, she thought. Slowly, she slid her eyes to meet Deidara's. The fear was evident in his face. His mouth, slightly parted, moved as if to say something but words never met his tongue. It was all the confirmation she needed. Her hand trembled as she turned it over, extending it to him. "Let me see it," she said beneath her breath.

"You won't like it, it's not normal." He sounded like he wanted to be sure of himself but his voice trembled at the prospect of rejection. "It's a side-effect of the kinjutsu, I didn't know-"

"Let me see it," she said again with a little more force. Very carefully, Deidara lowered his hand into hers, his eyes relentlessly searching her face for a reaction. Her fingers trembled over his closed hand and she gently guided his fingers open. There was a small mound in the center of his palm, blood crusted through the seam of it and began to bubble at the corners. The mound widened and slowly began to open. Deidara wincing as it did so. She watched in morbid fascination as a set of human teeth revealed themselves with the curl of its lip, a thick tongue squirming out behind them. It smiled at her, much to her disbelief, and she jumped from his touch as if it had shocked her. "How is that possible?" She gasped. Deidara looked visibly hurt and he yanked his hand back up to his chest, folding his hand into the other and holding them over his heart.

"I know as much about it as you do," he snapped, looking miffed. She looked over at him incredulously but decided it would do no good to try to explain how very warranted her reaction had been. Her stare flickered to his closely guarded hands.

"Do you have them in both of your palms?" He gave a short nod and she pulled her mouth in tight. She had just started feeling like nothing could surprise her at this point but that was evidently untrue. An uncomfortable mixture of revulsion and shock upset her stomach but she tried hard not to let it reach her features. Deidara looked upset and self-conscious, something she hadn't meant to do but she knew it was in her best interests to fix it. Her small hand reached forward and she laid it against his own clasped hands. He flashed her an accusatory sideways glance but she ignored it and smiled back at him. "I'm sorry, it just surprised me is all." He sighed and shook his head, dropping his hands to his lap.

"No, I get it. I'm disgusting."

"Nonsense," she quipped "You're as lovely as ever." He snorted but a smile touched his lips regardless. Jin leaned over and brushed the hair from his face, tucking it behind his ear. His upturned eyes were warm with appreciation and he leaned into her touch. For a moment, with her hand to his cheek, everything felt as normal as any other day they spent together. But that too was soon taken away as a black bird came fluttering into the clearing with a scroll attached to its leg, reminding her that life would never be as it once was.

"Ah," Deidara pulled away from her and stood up, catching the bird on an outstretched arm. "It's here." Jin watched as he unlatched the scroll and the bird flew back into the air, disappearing into the thick brush of the trees above. He read the scroll several times over and then nodded, rolling it back up and placing it into his pocket. "Come on, we've got business elsewhere." He shouldered his bag and strutted over to the bird. His confidence seemed to have returned in full, she thought flatly.

"What was in the scroll?" She asked as she picked up her own bag, following him.

"Don't worry about it," He had hopped on the bird and turned to help Jin upwards, only to find her midway to him. She had stopped and was shooting him an impatient glare.

"You keep using the word 'we', that means you're including me in this. I think that means I deserve to be kept up to date with whatever 'we're' going to be doing."

Deidara blinked and then smirked at her newfound stubborn nature. He kind of liked it. "Are you implying that we're some sort of team?"

"No, _you're_ implying that. And I'm going along with it. I'm capable of helping, er, I think." She immediately realized she had no idea what his business even was. She had a feeling she'd regret her eagerness to be included if he obliged. Deidara looked upwards, tapping his lip with his finger as if mulling the idea over.

"Alright, fine. But we're going to have some ground rules. Come on, I'll explain." Her stomach flipped and she begrudgingly went forward, grabbing the clay bird and pulling herself upwards. She ignored Deidara's extended hand as if to prove that she was as capable of handling herself as she projected (and also because she wasn't too keen on getting anywhere near that mouth just yet). The bird jolted upwards as soon as she got comfortable and an unsuspecting scream left her. Deidara laughed and Jin wanted to point out that she didn't have chakra to keep her grounded to the vessel but opted for silence instead. "So, rules, rules..." He mused when they leveled out in the sky and moved west. His long blonde hair fluttered in the wind and she had to admit, he looked much happier than she'd seen him yet. It brought a small smile to her face as his happiness fueled her own. "First rule," he straightened himself out and held up a single finger, trying to mimic a figure of authority. "There is to be no objection to anything _we_ do. In many ways," he said teasingly. "I'm like your boss now, hm."

Jin raised her hand to ask a question and Deidara pointed at her. "What is it we'll be doing exactly?" His smirk reappeared, he was _so_ glad she asked.

"We've got to make money, don't we? Well, it just so happens that my talents can make us money." He pulled out the scroll he'd just received and tossed it to her. "Here's our first job."

She caught the scroll before the rushing wind did. Opening it, she scanned the words, having to read them twice before she could fully understand. "Who is this guy?"

"Crime boss, owns a network of nightclubs and casinos across the land, real nasty guy from what I've heard."

She frowned and closed the scroll. "And they're going to pay you for killing him?" He nodded, almost looking proud of that statement. Jin was uncomfortable. She searched her mind for anything that would ease the tremendous black hole of guilt that was beginning to form inside of her. "And…are these people that you're going to- are they all going to be bad people?" Deidara curiously looked the girl over. Her eyes were low and burdened. Moving to crouch in front of her, gently, he placed his fingers alongside her jaw and tilted her head upwards. There was a kindness to his form, something warm.

"They're the worst."

She knew that wasn't true, she had known before she asked. But the fact that Deidara chose to comfort her with words he knew she wanted to hear helped her considerably. She gave a small nod and then turned her head upwards. "Rule number two?"

Deidara's list of rules were as follows. Number two was that she was to listen to anything Deidara said or told her to do, without question, as soon as he said it. Number three was that if she were left alone she was to not speak to anybody and to stay put where Deidara had left her and number four was that he could change and add to the rules as he pleased, no objections. She listened carefully, nodding as he went. "Any questions?" He asked as he finished touting his self-importance.

She grew a little self-conscious, she was getting ahead of herself. "How am I supposed to help you? I can't do much." Deidara of course had already known this.

"You are very important," he said firmly as if to reinforce the idea within her. "You will take care of me, help me ready my materials so that I can focus on the job, and if we need you to, you'll be the bait."

" _Bait?"_ She whimpered pathetically.

Deidara flipped his hand up carelessly. "It sounds worse than it is. Different targets will need to be handled per the situation. Some of them we might need to draw out or get alone, most of them I'll be able to handle myself though." He caught the look of fright on her face and grinned. "Don't be so worried, onna! I promise you'll be safe at all times. What kind of boss would I be if you weren't?" She gave a weak laugh and nodded. "But just in case, in our down time, I'd like to teach you some things. Nothing major, just some basic self-defense. I won't be able to watch you all of the time."

"I see," she looked over to watch the world around them drift by. It was as beautiful as she had always imagined it to be, so wide and seamless in its transition from terrain to terrain. Deidara had indeed kept his word, she would see it all now. Jin turned back toward Deidara with a look of quiet determination. "I'll do my best, for you." She bowed her head and turned back up to see him broadly smiling down at her. His joy was contagious and she soon found herself unable to keep her own face straight. Stupid in love, she'd follow Deidara to the end of the earth if he let her.

They flew in silence for a long while. Jin had moved to lay on her stomach, watching as the ground blurred beneath them, her copper hair a wild halo around her head. Deidara had his eyes closed peacefully as he reclined against the neck of the bird, his mind picking apart the last few days' events.

Things were going well, well enough as they probably could anyway. Jin was coming around, even if it was only her drive to please him that made her so accepting, that was fine by him. He was still confident that she'd learn to find the same kind of beauty in it as he did. In the meantime, he was just thankful she was still there and no longer shrinking in fear when he looked at her. Such a sensitive thing, he was supposed to be the one thing she wasn't afraid of. He had to remind himself that she was not wise to the way shinobi worked, or how anything functioned outside her small sphere of uneventful existence. She didn't know violence or chaos, had no idea that it was often kill or be killed in the world they inhabited. In time she'd discover this, as much as he wished to avoid that, by his side that would become inevitable. Her purity was something special and he wanted to keep her that way, but people like her also broke easily and one wrong turn of events could smother out that sweet nature of hers, turning her into a shell of her former self. He had to tread carefully, get his temper in check and remind himself that in time things often had a way of coming full circle, he just had to be patient was all.

It wasn't until the sun was near setting that they finally began to descend towards the ground. The terrain that surrounded this new area was even colder than the one they'd left. Much like home, everything was a drab shade of grey or brown, the winds were slight but had no problem penetrating through clothes and skin alike, straight to the bone. Jin's face had long since been numb, but now it bordered on painful. Deidara had been thoughtful enough to pack for colder weather, but even what he had brought wasn't enough to keep the biting chill out. "We'll have to walk from here," he said suddenly, watching the surrounding area seriously as the bird sank lower to the ground.

"W-what's the plan then?" Jin stuttered as she pulled her jacket tighter against her neck.

"We won't make the move tonight, it's too late now." The bird landed softly on the ground and Deidara wasted no time in hopping off. He held out a hand to Jin who took a brief second to eye his hand curiously before giving in and taking it. Her body felt stiff and she didn't trust herself not to go stumbling down if she tried to get off by herself. "I've got a few things to do before I call it a night, you can go get us a room in the meantime." He signaled the bird away and threw his bag on, Jin followed suit and they began walking down a mangled unkempt path, surrounded by spiny black brush and crawling tendrils of purple ivy.

It took them twenty minutes to make it to the gates of a small village. Unlike Iwagakure, this village lacked the looming walls to keep intruders out. As they walked through the archway, Jin also noted the lack of shinobi surveying the area. "Where are we?" She asked, studying the gold and red tags that fluttered on the sides of the lampposts that lined the streets.

"It's a tourist trap, nothing but gambling and bars here."

"So there's no shinobi?"

Deidara laughed and shook his head. "No, this place is run by sharks" He turned towards Jin who was still looking curiously around. "And you better watch out because I heard they love pretty little girls who've run away from home," he teased as he grabbed at her sides, she slapped his hands away lightly with a scowl and he gave another loud bite of laughter.

"You're terrible," she huffed, feeling a small tug of amusement at her lips.

The farther they walked into town the louder it got. They were walking past rows of businesses now, lit up on both the inside and outside with flashing lights of various colors adorning the roofs. Cigarette smoke filtered out of most establishments, along with drunk, dizzy older men that would spend the rest of their night stumbling from place to place. Deidara came to a sudden halt and looked around. "Alright," he said as he pulled a small bag out from his hip pouch. He withdrew a small bundle of money and he handed it to Jin. "There's a motel two blocks up that way. Get us a room under the name Odaka. I'll be back in less than two hours. Don't talk to anyone you don't have to."

She nodded and he leaned forward and kissed her forehead goodbye. She wanted to tell him to be safe but at this point the words felt shallow and instead, she turned around and began walking.

The noise level kept consistent the further down she went and she was surprised by the size and liveliness of the small town. It was unlike anything she'd ever seen, even the seediest parts of Iwa didn't look as grimy as this place did. When she reached the hotel, small groups were gathered outside of it. Some held drinks in their hands and others sloshed theirs on the ground and on themselves as they puffed on cigarettes and told slurred stories to one another. While some cast Jin a curious look, most of them ignored her as she hurried through the sliding door to the motel.

A young woman at the counter with a face full of makeup and a low cut, tightly worn dress raised an eyebrow as Jin approached. It was obvious Jin didn't fit the mold of her typical customer. "H-hi," Jin said clumsily. She cleared her throat and tried again. "I need a room for tonight. One bed is fine, and can you put that under Odaka? Thank you." The woman gave a curt nod and turned to her books.

The lobby was just as garish as the rest of the town was. The walls were covered in fliers and ads, most of them advertising a night with young women or security services for serious travelers. The woman clinked a pair of keys on the counter and Jin fumbled with the money.

"Thank you," she bowed hastily and the woman watched with a look of concern as Jin took off down the hall. When she reached the room, she unlocked the door and hurried in, having not realized she was holding her breath until she took a deep gulp of air against the wall. The light filtering in through the dirty windows was a deep, burnt orange. It cast an ominous burning glow around the room, which didn't need any help in looking uninviting in the first place.

She dropped her bag to the floor and took one more deep breath before sitting on the edge of the bed. Her senses felt overwhelmed with fear and anxiety but she knew it was something she'd have to start getting used to if she was going to be able to keep up with Deidara.

Such as it was to be in love.

* * *

 **A/N:** If you care about me at all you'll go check out my new Akatsuki story and show it some tender loving.


	10. All Business

**A/N:** Thanks for all the nice words! Feedback is always appreciated, I'm such a lazy shit but hearing your thoughts really motivate me to keep writing. So thank you, thank you, thank you! You can totally skip the rest of this author's note because it's mostly me rambling on about Jin's character traits in response to RuffRabbit1998's comment, but if you're interested in that sort of thing idk it might clear things up.

I based Jin off a friend of mine. He was raised in an extremely religious and strict household. He left home and the religion when he was 21 and has had very similar struggles of not trusting his own judgments and relying on other people to take the lead in his own life because it was easier than learning to walk on his own. So, I wouldn't say her weakness has anything to do with being a woman as much as it does living a sheltered life and growing up feeling like your individuality isn't respected. But yeah, in many ways she is still a child, never having gotten the opportunity to be independent and learn for herself. And that makes her dependent on everyone else for most things, plus she's deeply insecure and feels like she needs Deidara (and others) because it validates her existence.

At least that's what I intend to get across. I did have issues in my first story of not developing her character enough and she came across as just weak for no real reason but I'm trying to dig a little deeper this go around. Either way, I promise some more character development will be coming her way! Thank you for reading!

Oh, and to wavywavy, you're right. But I promise to make it really good while the good is still happening :-)

* * *

Chapter Ten: All Business

* * *

Deidara pushed through a set of glittering door beads, squinting through the thick haze of cigar smoke and perfume as he entered a wide room, loud with chatter. The bar at the backend of the room was crowded but Deidara pushed to the end of it and found an empty seat that he quickly claimed. It wasn't but five minutes later that the seat to his left cleared and was replaced by another body. "Deidara, it's good to see you." The man signaled to the barkeep and then cast a sideways glance to the blonde.

"And you, Daigo, my man." Deidara greeted without warmth. "Do you have what I asked for?"

"Hm," the man hummed regretfully. "You're always in such a hurry. Don't you ever relax, my friend? Have a drink, won't you?" Deidara snorted and looked out at the writhing, sexually charged patrons of the room. It reminded him of a snake pit and he wanted to leave as soon as he could.

"Not tonight, sorry." He looked back over at the man named Daigo and tilted his head expectantly. "You do have it, don't you?"

The man sighed and nodded to the barkeep as a small glass of liquid amber was set in front him. "I don't know exactly where he's at, I'm sorry, I can't tell you anymore about that. But I do know another way you can get to him." He took a long sip and Deidara grew irritated. He had worked with Daigo a few years back when his boss had hired the Iwagakure explosion corps to handle a problem a few villages over. It had only been his luck that in that time between then and now, Daigo had climbed higher in the ranks to Deidara's current target. Even luckier for him that Daigo was an unloyal dog and wasn't above trading information for valuables.

"And how much is that going to cost me?" Deidara asked sharply. Daigo clucked his tongue and shook his head.

"It's the business, isn't it? Now that you're working alone, you'll understand how this system works shortly enough. Just a few hundred more."

With a curse mumbled under his breath, Deidara reached into his pouch and pulled from it the last of his money, he separated it into two and pushed half of it into Daigo's greedy hand. "That's all I can get you for right now," he said as Daigo counted it. When he'd finished, he shrugged and threw back the rest of his drink.

"Because I consider you a friend, Deidara, I'll take it. Saioji sends out a scout every night to pick up women that can work for him. Tonight, the scout will be here at eleven o'clock," he scrawled an address on a napkin and pushed it over to Deidara. "I can get you a girl for a little extra, Saioji doesn't let men into the room with him, only his guardsmen and close friends, so if you stand any chance at getting to him you're gonna want to hire from me. I promise, they listen well."

"No, I'll take care of this by myself." Deidara pushed his stool back and stood, pushing the napkin into his pocket. "Thanks for doing business, try not to get caught in the crossfire, yeah?" Daigo watched him leave and ordered another drink, stalling mid-sip just as Deidara came back forward and leaned against the bar. "One more thing, where I can get women's clothing this time of night?"

Daigo grinned. "I'll tell you before anyone else does, you'd make one ugly woman." Ignoring the flat, unamused look Deidara was shooting him, he waved his hand. "But if you're insistent on doing this alone, Madame Kee's shop is a few blocks away. Black windows, gold tassels hanging from the gutters. She'll give you what you need."

Deidara nodded and then took off, not bothering to return the salutations of farewell Daigo had yelled across the room.

* * *

Jin didn't know what time Deidara came in that night because as soon as she had showered and tested the give of the mattress, she succumbed to the call of sleep. She slept so deeply that by the time she woke the next morning, Deidara had already gotten ready for the day. "Morning," he said from where he sat at the small desk in the corner, looking over the bloodied scroll from Iwa.

"Good morning," she sat up and blinked around wearily. "What time is it?"

"Around ten," he smirked and turned to look at her from over his shoulder. "Sleep well? I thought you might have been dead when I came back last night. Couldn't even shake you awake." She smiled sheepishly. "Well, it's probably for the best. You'll need to be well rested for what we're going to do tonight."

She wilted as the word 'we' bared down upon her. "Oh?" She asked as casually as she could. "What's happening tonight?"

"You should go get ready," he replied vaguely as he made a small note on the scroll. Frowning at his back, she slipped from the bed and stalked into to the bathroom. She made to slip from her clothes until a bright flash of blue and gold in the mirror stopped her. Slowly, she turned around and faced the dress that hung so innocently there. Her stomach rolled with apprehension.

Deidara turned around as she reemerged from the bathroom with the garment in hand. He was wearing a strange mixture of mischievous delight and the guilty look of someone who knew they'd done something bad. "What is this?" Her voice tilted in a slight panic.

"You wanted to help, didn't you?" A small wobble touched at her lips and she could only helplessly look at Deidara as if she wanted nothing more than for him to laugh and tell her he was only teasing. He raised his hands as if to calm her down. "I know it looks bad, but it's the only option we have."

"Is it really?" She moaned, looking back down at the gaudy garment reminiscent of what the hotel clerk had been wearing the night before.

"Let me explain," he motioned for her to sit and she did so wearily. "Our man, Saioji, doesn't just own these businesses here, he also peddles young women for sex work as he travels." Jin paled and Deidara continued. "He's a notoriously difficult person to find. Honestly, I wasn't sure how I was going to pull this off until I learned that he has one of his goons scouting for women in the evening. Listen, listen," He could see she was taking this about as badly as he thought she would. "I'm not going to let anyone hurt you, look," he pulled something from his pouch and tossed it to her. "I got us headsets so I'll be able to hear you and talk to you when you leave with him."

"Oh, Deidara…" she bit her lip. Of course she wanted to help, she wanted to do whatever Deidara needed her to do. But this was so much too fast, she wasn't sure she'd make it five minutes in without breaking.

He pushed his chair back and moved to sit next to her. "You said you'd trust me, didn't you?" She turned towards him hesitantly, if this was his way of comforting her, he had a lot to learn.

"Yes, but-"

"And I said nothing would hurt you, didn't I?"

" _Yes, but-"_

Or maybe, she thought, he just had different methods. Deidara leaned forward and gently pressed his forehead to hers, the seriousness in his gaze had her holding her breath. "I _promise_ , everything will be okay. If you just listen to what I tell you, nothing will go wrong." She blinked at him and then slowly withdrew, looking instead at the dress in her lap. Swallowing felt more difficult and the slight burn of troublesome emotion prickled at her eyes.

"O-okay. What's the plan then?"

* * *

Jin stared intently at her reflection as she brushed her teeth. Deidara had told her that it would be easy. He said he'd spent all morning revising his plan and that he had faith she'd pull it off. He'd also softened the blow by telling her he wanted to take her out to lunch since they wouldn't be moving forward until evening. It felt more like her last meal, but his efforts were something she appreciated nonetheless.

 _Spit, rinse, and don't let the fear sink in._ She was going to find the courage even if she had to fake it until she believed it.

The sun beat high above them as they strolled through the small village. During daylight hours, the liveliness that owned the night was replaced by a quiet, private air where people walked with their heads down and smoked by themselves off to the sides of buildings. It still wasn't a pleasant place, but it felt more secure than it did once the sun went down. She followed Deidara into a grubby little building marked with brightly colored flags that hung limply from the rain gutters.

"This town isn't exactly known for its culinary achievements," Deidara muttered as the woman who sat them walked away. The place was as dingy as she imagined every place in the town must have been, with sticky tables freckled with cigarette ash from the night before. Even the smell of the place had her appetite creeping away.

"So," Jin began as she poked at the dumpling dish that had been put in front of her. "What happens after we're done with this mission?"

Deidara chewed thoughtfully and then shrugged. "I need to get my name out there first, I'm hoping if everything goes right-and it will," he pointed his chopsticks at her seriously. "I'll either be rehired for another job or word will get out and someone else will contact me."

"How do they contact you?"

"I've got a connection in the Land of Fire that handles all my business directly," he said it so casually she couldn't stop herself from snorting.

"Like a representative?"

"Well I can't exactly go advertising that I'm a terrorist for hire, can I?" He shoved a bite of food into his mouth as he stared grumpily over at the service counter. "What a dump this place is."

Jin hummed in agreement, not entirely listening. The job title had left an acrid taste in her mouth and her appetite finally seemed to deplete itself. She struggled to make small talk, not wanting to let on that she was feeling bothered. Deidara barely seemed to notice however, looking more preoccupied than present.

After lunch, they walked around while Deidara mapped out the place properly, explaining to her as they went. "This is the place that guy will be tonight, supposedly at eleven. We should get there a little earlier just in case. I wasn't able to find out where the location they take the girls to is but it's more than likely somewhere within walking distance."

Jin didn't respond, she didn't dare to. The quieter she was, the braver she looked, she hoped. She needed all the bravery she could get with the success of this mission banking almost entirely on her. Deidara looked over, studying her hardened focus, but chose to say nothing despite his concern. He didn't doubt for a second that she'd be able to pull it off, all she really needed to do was be present. What he worried for was whether she'd be able to forgive herself afterwards. He had known it was a risky move involving her so deeply on his first mission but this would be a relatively easy target and he wanted to submerge her into the lifestyle as quickly as possible. Before the going really got bad. As much as he had wanted to shield her from it, she had to know what she was in for, being with him. That, and they were low on money and he needed her help more than he wanted to admit.

"I just remembered," he started, forcing her to blink back from her thoughts. "There's a village that has these huge flower festivals all spring long." He snuck a quick glance, happy to see her face liven a little. "We could go if you like."

"Really? Just for fun?"

He nodded and then made no effort to hide his gaze from her. She looked genuinely happy and it had been a while since he'd seen that glow. He missed it.

* * *

"Ow, don't pull so hard," Jin made to rub at her sore scalp but Deidara swatted her hand away.

"Don't touch, this is a very delicate process." He mumbled, trying hard to keep the small hairpins between his lips. He curled a long tendril of hair against the back of her head, placed a pin and then moved onto the next one.

"You're pretty good at this," she commented as she surveyed his work in the bathroom mirror. She had been at it for twenty minutes when Deidara decided he'd seen enough and took it into his own hands. When he finished, he stepped back and looked her over. "Well?" She asked. Watching his careful analysis was making her self-conscious. She felt exposed in all the wrong areas and the dress clung to her as if the fabric had been wet, there's wasn't anything left to the imagination. But that must have been what Deidara was going for as he nodded, seemingly satisfied with his work.

"It's not my favorite look of yours, but it'll do. Stand up straighter."

"Oh, r-right." Her face warmed with embarrassment but she did as she was told.


	11. In Ashes, They Left

Chapter Eleven: In Ashes, They Left

* * *

Deidara had dressed himself down in an effort to blend in with the rest of the town's inhabitants. He'd removed his headband and had neatly tied his hair up and off his face. It was a look that befit his cool grace and she never missed admiring the rare moments she got to see his entire face. He looked a few years younger when his hair was pulled back, his face retaining the fullness and flush of a young boy, something he was well aware of and didn't like, hence that curtain he often let hang in front of him. "You look nice," she said softly as he pinned the microphone piece underneath the collar of her dress. He smirked and flashed his bright, blue eyes to hers.

"You look terrified," She looked away from him. He wasn't wrong. His hand slipped the earpiece into hers and she reluctantly put it in place beneath a loose coil of hair. Deidara followed suit and together they left.

Deidara led the way and she followed, several feet behind him on the opposite side of the street. She was clenching her jaw to keep her teeth from chattering. At least Deidara had the mind to get a dress with sleeves, her legs however felt like ice, clumsy as she moved. When they approached the bar, Deidara quickly stepped up beside her and led her into the adjacent alley by her elbow. "Are you okay?" He searched her features, worry etched lightly onto his own. But whether that was worry for her or worry regarding the mission, she couldn't say.

"Y-yeah, I'm fine. Just a little cold is all." He released his hold and rubbed at his neck sheepishly.

"Sorry about that. You remember the plan though?" She stiffly nodded and he smiled at her, kind and full of warmth. "I'll be behind you the whole time, even if you think I'm not there, I am. I'll be able to hear everything you hear and I'll instruct you through the whole thing. Do as I say and we'll have no problems, yeah?"

"I understand." Her nerves eased considerably as Deidara gently pressed his mouth to hers. She let his warmth wash over her as she leaned eagerly into his touch. Contact lasted longer than she expected, and when he finally pulled away, disappointment lingered.

"I'll see you soon," he murmured, stroking her shoulder. Nodding, she stepped back as his hand fell away. If she was going to do anything tonight, she was going to make him proud.

Her confidence wavered however as she stepped into the dimly lit, noisy bar. Eyes immediately flitted to her and roved up her body. _Stand straight_ , she thought, _but don't look so rigid_. The best she could do for herself was avoid eye contact with anyone who tried to meet her gaze. As quickly as she could manage, she squeezed up to the bar. "Just a water, please." She looked around as the bartender moved away, catching out of the corner of her eye as Deidara stepped through the crowd towards the back of the room. What she wouldn't give to follow him just then. When the bartender returned, she thanked him and then took to the nearest seat she could find. Peering over the rim of her glass, she carefully surveyed the room.

The people that occupied the space were as varied and sorted as a place could possibly get. Women both young and old walked about, talking to and making themselves comfortable in the laps of men and the occasional woman. Men who looked like shinobi gathered curiously in the corner, whispering amongst each other as they poured over documents, and on the other side of the room was a group spread out across lounge chairs and plush benches, being fawned over by the staff and onlookers alike as they caressed made up girls and poured sake after sake. Jin had very little time to keep watching though as Deidara's voice crackled over the speaker in her ear.

"To your left." As he said, she carefully swept her gaze over, almost immediately catching the eye of a tall man, grizzled and severe looking. "I think that's him." Jin wet her lips and then hastily took to her glass. She had averted her eyes but caught from the side as the man stepped closer.

"Evening, little bird." A large hand pressed against her back as his other motioned to the seat next to her. "Do you mind?" She opened her mouth to speak but not trusting the nervous quiver in her stomach, she only shook her head. "What's your name?" His voice was assertive and she knew she wouldn't be able to pull off the quiet treatment for much longer.

"Modoka, sir." She bowed her head, it was the first thing she thought of and the instinct left her feeling oddly detached. His fingers gently took to her jaw and lifted her face. He seemed to enjoy the flash of fear that unwillingly crossed her features as he leaned in closer and purred.

"Hm, pretty." Turning towards the bartender, he snapped his fingers. He must have been important as almost immediately two drinks were set before him. He picked them both up and jerked his head towards the back of the room. "Please, won't you join me?"

As if watching her hesitation, Deidara chimed in through the earpiece. "Jin, you've got to follow him." And she nodded, both to Deidara and the man before her. Slipping from her chair, she fell into stride next to him. Navigating the room was made easier by the people who moved aside, almost clearing a path for them. As they approached the table, Jin was alarmed to find three other young girls laughing and chatting to one another. They lit up as they saw the man advance, one of them called him Mao.

"Brought a friend, hope you girls don't mind. She's a bit of a shy one." He placed the spare drink at the empty spot at the table seemingly reserved for her. She sat quietly for some time, chiming in shyly anytime a question was directed at her and occasionally stifling a laugh as Deidara whispered cheeky commentary. By the time an hour had come and left, Mao stretched his arm around the girl closest to him and he smirked dangerously. "What do you say to taking this somewhere else? I've got some friends who would love to meet you. There's good money in it too," he tacked on when he sensed some hesitation. This seemed to do it as the girls nodded amongst each other, Jin joining in for effect.

As they stood to leave, Jin looked around but couldn't find her blonde. But either way, the ball had already started rolling and there was nothing she could do to stop it. So she held her chin up and allowed Mao's arm to slither around her waist, leading them outside.

"Someone's popular, hmm," Deidara laughed. She took a careful look around the night but the darkness above them was unforgiving. "We're almost finished now, stay sharp kid." The girls giggled amongst themselves and they teetered down the street, two of them quite drunk. It was a short fifteen-minute walk to the hotel, a nice one at that. When she walked through the doors she was in awe at its decadence, she hadn't expected something of such luxury existing in a village such as this. They climbed a staircase to the second floor and headed towards the door at the very end of the hall.

"Scared, little one?" Mao squeeze Jin's shoulder and she became very aware of how in the group of girls, giddy and friendly, her stiff and distant demeanor was far out of place.

"Oh," she looked up and forced a small smile. "I'm just feeling a little shy, sorry."

"Don't worry, my friends love girls like you. Those others," he nodded towards the other girls, "they're everywhere, but girls like you, well, they're rare to find out here in the wild." Jin had known that doing work with Deidara would be dangerous, but Jin had never known real danger. Now though, she realized she was staring at the real thing, with his teeth-bared, skin-stretched grin. This man could, and if given the chance would, hurt her.

They were ushered into a large room where eight men sat around, drenched in a haze of cigar smoke. In the middle sat a large man who Jin could immediately identify as Saioji. He held himself much like royalty would, flanked with admirers who dare not sit too close and draped with a woman, maybe only a few years older than Jin, who stared blankly out at the newcomers. Mao came in last and locked the door behind him. As soon as that click fell into place, Mao's demeanor shifted. "Here's the new ones you ordered," he addressed the young woman who barely let her eyes flicker over in acknowledgment of him. Saioji let his hand fall and the woman stood, slinking over to the group. All the girls fell silent.

"I hope these ones have a bit more backbone than the last group. I swear, to get yourself robbed and raped on the same night, really now." Her voice was sharp and dripping with disdain, but her face remained stoic and impassive. The woman stalked slowly past the girls, the first two she jerked their face around in her hand as she examined them, the next she felt up her body. Jin tried hard not to cringe when the woman approached her and her slender hand crept up near Jin's neck. If she were to find the microphone…

"You, in the middle, come here." Saioji barked, pointing at the girl next to Jin. She looked impossibly young and frightened. But this took the woman's attention off Jin and instead she turned to watch the girl slowly step forward. When she stood in front of Saioji, he too decided to inspect her body and Jin had to force herself to look away. That man, and all his people, Jin had never known a person to be so foul. Her heart sank at the whimpering sounds that trembled off the lips of the young girl, so this is what Deidara meant when he called her naïve.

When Saioji finished, the men pointed and demanded the other two girls to take a seat on their laps, and each followed the command like a frightened dog. When Jin was called forward she stalled and looked desperately over to the woman. "I need the bathroom, I'll be quick I promise." Ignoring the laughter from behind her, the woman watched Jin carefully and seemed to be thinking it over. Finally, she lifted a slender arm and pointed to the hallway.

"Door at the end, hurry up will you, you're a working girl now and time is money." Jin bowed and scurried off, pressing herself to the bathroom door once she was safely inside. She lifted the microphone to her mouth with trembling hands.

"This is bad Deidara. I'm locked in and I'm really scared. These people-"

"You're almost finished. All you have to do is look out the blinds. I can't come get you if I don't know where you're at. Easy, yeah?" She wanted to yell that it was anything but easy but bit the words back instead.

"Just please hurry, will you?"

A small laugh filtered through the earpiece. "I'm waiting on you now." The amusement that played at his words forced Jin to shut her eyes and lean her head back, gritting her teeth in frustration. Did he take anything seriously? She put the mic back in place and straightened up. Maybe he was just trying to alleviate some of her stress, she thought. He did have a habit of making light of bad situations, but only if they didn't directly involve him. That was just Deidara, she shouldn't have felt surprised nor take it personally. When she left the bathroom, she could see the window from the hall. Her heart beat like a hammer in her chest and she forced her legs to carry her unsteadily towards it. As casually as she could manage, she stepped over to it and moved aside the drawn blinds. The night was pitch black from the view up top, she hoped Deidara had seen it because she had no time to linger when the woman's hand wrapped around her arm and yanked her back.

"What do you think you're doing, you stupid girl. Don't touch things that aren't yours." She shoved Jin forward, her face breaking into genuine anger.

"Get to the door Jin, you have ten seconds," Deidara spoke up. Jin stumbled but immediately righted herself, she exchanged a quick glance with the woman and Jin swore she knew what was happening the moment they made eye contact. Jin jolted towards the door and the woman, quick on her feet, grabbed her by the back of the collar. She was pulled back, clutching at the cloth that was now cutting into her throat.

"I don't think so," the woman snarled. The room turned to watch the commotion just as three long-necked birds shot through the window like a dart. They unfurled their wings and latched down onto the shoulders of three men, Saioji being one of them. It must have been the shock of it all that made the woman's grip soften around the fabric. Jin felt it give way and wasted no time in moving towards the door, narrowly avoiding the thrashing of the men desperately trying to free themselves.

She fumbled with the lock, hearing the release click just as the woman had come to, lunging towards Jin as she slipped out the open door. Jin spun and pulled the door quickly shut behind her, clutching the handle with all her strength to prevent the woman from escaping. Her hands were slipping around the metal and any moment now the door was bound to be flung open. But then the blow happened. The force of the explosion violently shook the hotel and Jin stumbled to the floor, shocked at just how loud it had been. Everyone was going to notice this.

"Come on, we need to go!" Deidara sounded slightly frantic, as if he himself hadn't meant to make such a commotion. As other doors in the hallway began to open, Jin scrambled upwards and threw herself back through the door. The room had been next to obliterated, and the people along with it. She stood in stunned silence, looking around at the charred remains of people that had been speaking just moments before, at the splattered gore, the burning bits of fabric. Then she looked at Deidara, yelling her name. Coming to, she quickly jumped forward, careful to avoid the worst of it. Deidara grabbed her hand from the open space that used to be a wall and yanked her onto the bird he was standing on. Almost immediately, the bird took flight, carrying both Deidara and her away from the burning building nearly lost in plumes of smoke.

Jin pulled herself up to her knees, watching the town shrink until the building was nothing more than a distant beacon in the darkness. Slowly, she turned to look at Deidara, who looked livid. "Fuck!" He threw his hands to his head and growled with frustration. "That was a mess, yeah?" He snapped his attention back up and focused on Jin. The nervous look on her face seemed to cool him down and instead of yelling more he let his head fall back and he groaned. "I didn't know they would do so much damage. I should have practiced more before we did this, I still don't have the hang of it. I could have really hurt you." His voice trailed off and with a sigh, he sat himself down in front of Jin. She didn't want to speak just yet, when Deidara got like this he teetered on such an intense emotional divide. Sometimes he'd think rationally and other times he'd just see red. Her whole body seemed to loosen with relief when he looked back up at her and smiled weakly. "You did good though."

"You think?" She laughed and fell back to a sitting position. "Well, thank you. I'm glad it's over." She looked down at the passing ground beneath them, nothing but an inky black void. "Where are we off to now?"

"Another town not far from here. I've got to meet someone to collect the money, it will take us a few hours though, we won't arrive until morning. After that," he rubbed at his forehead in exasperation. "I don't know just yet. I'll figure it out." Jin took her eyes off the black ocean beneath them and studied Deidara instead. He looked tired and worn, a sense of guilt washed over her, for what reason she wasn't too sure. But because of it, she crept forward until she was sitting next to him. He didn't say anything as she leaned into him, resting her head on his shoulder. Deidara watched her until he leaned his head onto hers, feeling much of his uneasiness leave him as the warmth from her body sank into his own skin. Everything would be okay, he told himself. With her, everything was always okay.

* * *

 **A/N:** Sorry for being late, though I can't promise I'll keep to my Wednesday release schedule, I'm gonna try my best. Being an adult is hard work y'know. Anyways, thanks for reading!


	12. Where Are We Now?

Chapter Twelve: Where Are We Now?

* * *

Some place, unimaginable distances away from the village, it was raining.

Jin was on her back, watching the rain beat against the window pane and the titanic storm clouds that came with it. Behind her a dim light flickered softly, playing with shadows in the storm darkened room. She liked to think of it as a candle, warm and inviting, something unlike the stark, cold space that was the hotel they were currently holed up in. A scrape and a murmur came from her left and she turned towards Deidara. Crowding the desk with clay and paper bombs, he had been working for two days with little break. "Building an arsenal," he had said when she asked yesterday. Deidara cast a despondent look towards the window. "If this damn rain would let up we could leave, but until then might as well keep busy."

His surly attitude hadn't budged in days, Jin found that Deidara was the best company when he was keeping to himself anyways.

More and more it seemed like Jin was missing the idea of him more than the real thing. She still would catch herself in fantasy of the two of them when they first met, but that version of Deidara was never going to come back. How could it, living like this? So, she'd been reduced to daydreaming all the while Deidara and herself had never been more distant from one another. She watched his back carefully, his hair had grown a little longer, his face was thinner and his eyes dull. One day he'd look nothing like she dreamed about and maybe then she'd be able to let go.

"What is it?" Deidara grunted, cocking his head over his shoulder towards her. Jin rolled her eyes back towards the window. He often complained about feeling her stare, she thought he might be sensing her stillness whenever she watched him.

"It's nothing," she sighed. It was always nothing. Deidara returned to his work and Jin shut her eyes. She slept a lot these days. Deidara rarely involved her so most of her time was spent behind peeling walls, sleeping seemed only natural. The sound of rain drifted out as darkness filtered in and Jin slept deeply, like she often did. So deeply, she didn't budge when Deidara joined her nor when he left her again.

When the rain began to ease, two days later, Deidara and her left the hotel in the dark hours of the morning.

Their next hotel was a small, square room; no desk, short bed, broken sink. Deidara unbuttoned his cloak and hung it on the door, "We're only here for the night, I'll take the floor."

"You sure?" Jin looked at the bed and frowned. If they tried hard enough they might both be able to fit. Deidara snorted.

"Yeah, pretty sure."

Jin shrugged her bag to the floor. "Take the pillow at least," she offered. Without remark, Deidara took the pillow from the bed and tossed it to the ground where he was getting situated.

"If we want to make it to the next town by dark tomorrow we need to leave early again. Get some rest-" he broke his words with a yawn and then slumped down to the pillow. "Can you get the light when you're done?" He mumbled. He was asleep before she could reply. She shut the light off after she'd draped him in a jacket and then climbed into the bed, which was nearly as hard as the floor anyway.

She had only been asleep a couple hours when a fussing woke her up. Squinting into the darkness, she turned towards Deidara. He was turning and moaning, it was happening again. Jin slid out of the bed and turned on the light. Deidara was pale and sweating, his face contorted in pain. Carefully, she removed the jacket, frowning at the few spots of blood seeping through his shirt.

"Deidara, wake up," she whispered, lightly shaking him. The blonde snapped his eyes open and then gasped, reaching for his chest. She caught his hand before he could grab it and she pushed it back down. "Don't touch it, come on, I need to look at it."

"It's fine," he ground out.

"It's bleeding. Stop it, just let me see it." She reached for his shirt and Deidara remained as still as he could. The wound on his chest she uncovered had grown worse, as it did day by day. The large red mound was seeping with blood as if the skin were slowly separating.

"Well?" He pushed. She lowered his shirt and sighed. "It looks bad. It's never bled before, has it?"

"Not yet, no." He grunted and peered down at his chest, another shock ran through him and he swore.

"I'll go get the salve, stay still." Digging through the bag, Jin produced a small green jar. It smelled like grass and stung a little when applied. When she finished with him, she made to move before Deidara grabbed at the end of her shirt. She turned towards him, waiting for another command.

"Thank you," he said, staring at her with eyes almost frenzied with focus. It was how he looked these days, just a bit broken. "I mean it, I know I don't say it enough but thank you." Jin lowered her eyes, choosing to stare down at his hand instead. It was slender and pale, much like the rest of him.

"It's really nothing." She tried to force a smile but it didn't come out quite right. "Besides, if I don't take care of you, who's going to take care of me?" She laughed but it didn't touch her words. Deidara dropped his grip and slumped back. Something in her words had bothered him, but he was so out of touch with her lately he couldn't quite place it. Whatever it was had him feeling guilty, maybe even a bit lonely. Jin stood and walked over to the light, clicking it off. "We can't have more than a few hours now before we need to leave, try to sleep." She then climbed into the bed, lying flat on her stomach, heart thumping uncomfortably.

A moment had passed between the two of them, she felt it and she'd never rest if she didn't act on it. She put her arm over the side of the bed and her fingertips grazed his shoulder. At first she wondered if he would acknowledge her, it was always a risk to act on these moments, sometimes she swore she imagined them. But he didn't disappoint. He reached over and brushed his hand against hers, gently hooking her fingers to draw her close to his mouth. She knew she'd sleep easy when the softest kiss met her skin.

"G'night."

"Goodnight."

* * *

The next hotel was tidy and larger than the last. The bed fit the two of them and every bathroom function worked as it should. "What's the plan then?" Jin asked as she crept to the inside of the bed. Deidara followed her in and nearly dropped to the mattress in exhaustion. His pallor had only grown worse throughout the day, between the mound on his chest paining him on the hour and the amount of chakra he was expending in his current state, it was only a matter of time before he was taken over by another fever. He ran his hands through his sweat tinged hair and moaned.

"I don't know, I'm still waiting to hear. I'm supposed to meet up with someone here in the next couple of days about our next move but he hasn't sent me the details." He sighed and turned to look at Jin. "I had no idea it would take this long, I'm getting really tired of it."

She shrugged and put her head to the pillow. "Well, nothing we can really do. Maybe we can go to the shop tomorrow? We need supplies."

"Yeah, I guess." His voice trailed off as he was pulled into a deep slumber and to Jin's relief, he didn't make a single sound throughout the night. The next morning however, Deidara could hardly hide the look of intense discomfort plaguing him from the moment he woke. He was back at a desk working on some new designs when it felt like he'd been stabbed through the chest. He doubled over and put his forehead to the desk. Jin was behind him working on her own stuff and he swore under his breath, hoping she wouldn't notice. Another stab and he scooted his chair back abruptly.

"What's wrong?" Jin asked him sternly, knowing full well what was wrong. But Deidara barely heard her.

"Bathroom," he muttered before directing himself to the washroom. When the door shut he immediately slumped forwards, gripping at the wall. The shocks were happening at twice the rate now and deep inside he could sense a force greater than his own. It would have been exciting if it hadn't been so painful. Slowly, he stood up and gently pried the sweat-dampened shirt off his body and examined the damage. The wound, as it could now be called, was pulsating red with small beads of blood surfacing along a perforated seam running across it. As if sensing he was staring, the mound quivered and a thin line of blood came streaming down his body, then another. Deidara clamped his eyes shut as the skin began tearing, something was trying to get out. Forcing his eyes back open, he looked down at the blood sodden mess. From within the bath of fluids emerged a slick, pink tongue poking through one of the perforations. "Shit."

Deidara came barreling out from behind the washroom door, startling Jin and subsequently knocking everything in her lap to the floor. But that was hardly the issue as the bright red streak of color streaming down Deidara's body was hard to miss.

"Jin, get the sutures," he spat out desperately. The mound on his chest was near gaping, held together by only a few sections of skin now. From within the gap was the unmistakable shine of teeth, sharp and hungry.

"Oh god, Deidara this looks bad." Jin didn't even think to hide the fear in her voice, not that it mattered much, Deidara's face seemed to echo her feelings. The blonde moved to grab the needle from her but when it came close the mouths on his palms they went wild, smacking and licking, a crazed grin stretched out grimly.

"Dammit!" Deidara's panicked blue eye met Jin's and she gaped, collected herself then took the needle from him. "I'm sorry-"

"Just shush," she whispered, sights locked onto the monstrous sight ripping its way through Deidara's chest. "I need to think, I need-" she shook out her head and let out a moan. "Lay down, there." Deidara followed her orders and she lowered herself over his hips. Between her fingers she pinched the gaping wound closed, the tongue inside of it pressed forward and with it a steady flow of fresh blood. Deidara hissed. Her hands were shaking, while she'd read about this type of first-aid, she'd never attempted it, and here she was in the face of an emergency doing absolutely nothing.

"What are you waiting for?!" Deidara snapped and winced.

"Okay, okay." She bent forward and pushed the hook through the skin she'd collected, pulling it tight. By the fifth stitch her hands were less unsteady, though saturated in blood and spit. "Almost finished…" she said as the last stitch was pulled tight. She cut the thread and tied it off, breathing out air she hadn't even realized she was holding. Deidara went limp and he shut his eyes, trying to even out his own panting. "What is that thing?" She asked carefully.

Squinting, he opened one eye and gave a halfhearted shrug. "I'm not sure. I imagine it works in the same way the ones on my hands do, but on a bigger scale. Much bigger." He smiled something unsteady. "I could feel it y'know? Deep inside. Whatever it is it's powerful," and a realization hit him. "Maybe too powerful, hm. We should keep it shut until I figure it out." Jin looked down at her hands, they were red to above her wrist, slowly drying stiff and dark. With a sigh, she pushed herself off Deidara.

"I'll be back," she didn't wait for Deidara to reply, instead just pushed through the washroom door. She ran the bath water hot and as it filled she cleaned the blood from the floor and scrubbed roughly at her hands in the sink. There was something sickening about the way the blood swam and swirled around the basin, the way watered down droplets clung to the sides, but worse than that, the way it seemed to stick to her. Unfortunately, that wasn't the most disgusting thing in the room. Deidara's body felt mutilated, and while he seemed to enjoy the end results, Jin worried about getting too close. He wasn't right. In fact, everything about him and the world they both occupied was wrong, wrong, wrong.

She turned towards the bath and dipped her hand in the water. It was hot, but for her there didn't seem to be a hot enough. She turned the faucet all the way and hoped that maybe the heat would just melt the filth off.

Deidara turned his head towards the sound of running water. Without Jin he might not have survived these changes, the kinjutsu had turned out to be much more dangerous than he would have thought. Ōnoki was right, Deidara was impulsive and one day that would be the end of him. But as long as he had her, someone was watching out for him. That had to get him a little farther than most expected out of him.

When Jin exited the washroom, she looked almost as tired as Deidara felt. And yet, it hardly slowed her down. Did it ever? From her bag she pulled the salve and some bandages and then sat down to the side of him. He watched her face intently but she wasn't looking at him. "We should wrap this up, you're going to get an infection. Can you sit up?" Struggling as he did so, Deidara moved to a sitting position and from there she dabbed the salve gently around the area and then wrapped him up securely. When she was finished she finally met his gaze. Within hers was something dark, something unfamiliar on her but easily recognizable.

"You're not happy here," Deidara spoke. She looked away and withdrew her hand.

"It's fine, you're doing your best."

"You want to go back to the village," he corrected. With this he pulled her full attention.

"And if I do?"

"You can't," he muttered. The shame on his face was apparent but it still wasn't enough for her to bite back a retort.

"And if I told them you took me as a hostage, then what? Would they arrest me then?" Her anger was rising and all the things she thought about him were beginning to surface. "They'd believe me you know. Everyone warned me about you and I refused to believe them. But I see what they were talking about now. Deidara, you're a selfish person and I think I've seen all the humanity you have in you-"

"I meant that you can't go because I need you." His voice was soft and it seemed to suck the rest of the words out of her. "You don't have to like me," he spoke up. This time it was him who refused to look at her. "You don't have to pretend to like any of this. I don't like it much either. But you can't go yet, you're the most valuable thing I've got and I can't lose you."

Jin sighed and turned away from him. "I'm not an object Deidara, and love doesn't equate ownership." His face screwed up a bit and he struggled to connect the dots. "Did you ever really like me?"

"Of course I did. I still do."

"You've sure got a funny way of showing it." Jin stood and stepped towards the door. "Get some rest, I'll be back by sundown." And with this she donned her cloak and left him to whatever kind of thoughts a person like him had in such moments.

When she stepped outside the wind kicked up. The nearest supply shop was almost three miles into the village, but maybe that's what she needed to clear her head. She wrapped a scarf around her head and pulled her hood in tight, but even still it wasn't going to be enough. By the time she arrived at the shop, her exposed skin was pink and numb and she rushed into the warm stillness of the shop with a sigh of relief. Taking her time, she picked up more gauze, antiseptic, pressed pain pills, and a few other small necessities. Deidara had given her money since she was the one who primarily did the shopping, but even he had something to say about the way she spent it. Jin hovered over a candy rack, deliberating and wondering what Deidara would say to her. _"A waste of money, you're acting like a child, there's no nutrition in that."_ But what Deidara had to say hardly mattered right now and for all that she'd done for him she thought she deserved it.

Standing at the back of the line, Jin watched the people pass outside the window. Bundled up with hot drinks in their hands, laughing and talking, it was almost like home. Except she couldn't do any of those things anymore. She could barely imagine what it was like to be so carefree. To laugh, to love, to live, what did those things mean anymore? She watched on with a resigned sadness, forcing herself to be present.

Had she not, she might have missed the passing of the two cloaked figures across the street. Jin frowned, just like home it was easy to identify who belonged and who didn't, and these men in their embroidered cloaks and straw hats were definitely outsiders.

"Miss, are you ready?" Jin snapped her attention forward and muttered a light response before placing her basket on the counter. When she looked back out the window the curious two had moved on and the scenery remained as static as ever.

Jin pulled her hood in tight when she left the shop. She unwrapped her candy and took slow, deliberate bites as she moved back towards the hotel. The small comfort quelled a lot of her anxiety and she felt, for the first time in days, like she could breathe again. She turned the street corner and further down the road walked the two men. As long as they were going her way, she thought and she watched them carefully as she ate.


	13. Observing the Observable

Chapter Thirteen: Observing the Observable

* * *

 _Deidara put his fists up in front him and smirked while Jin, watching him carefully, frowned and put her arms up in the same position. "What if I miss one?"_

 _Deidara gave a small, haughty laugh. "Then I guess you're getting hit. Come on, you need to learn what it feels like. Toughen up a bit, yeah?"_

 _"…I guess."_

 _They were in a clearing in the woods where they'd been camping for four days now. Deidara was waiting for news from his middle man and decided that now was the best time she start learning how to defend herself. He had taught her the basics in blocking and striking, now to put it to the test. "I'll start slow," he reassured her but she doubted his sincerity. Deidara loved this sort of thing._

 _But as he promised, he did. Each strike he made was slow enough for her to block each one successfully, and when he praised her for it she was confident. Until he began to speed up. She blocked four out of twelve strikes, the remaining eight had all hit their target. By the end of it, Jin was sore and bruising, and Deidara's delight was not helping. "You're not mad at me are you, it was fun, yeah?" Jin took a deep breath and chewed at her lip, which was bleeding in the center from one particularly rough jab to the face._

 _"Fun is not the word I would use," she replied coldly. Deidara frowned and leaned back onto his hands from where he sat in the dirt._

 _"You are mad at me, hm. Okay, let's try something easier. Let's talk about observation." Jin rolled her eyes and cast an exasperated expression towards her companion. With nothing else for them to do, she figured it was better this than anything else._

 _"Fine, go on then."_

* * *

Deidara had focused heavily on observation when he started teaching her about self-sustainability. The fear had gotten to her when he pointed out that not only were they considered criminals, but wanted ones at that. "People will eventually come looking for us if they haven't already. You need to learn to spot a threat in a crowd of people. I'll need your eyes, you're my ground support, yeah?"

Yeah. She was, and here she was proving it. These men, so blatantly out of place, were just the kind of threat she worried about. One of them was towering, he wore a weapon on his back which was never a good sign. The other one moved with very deliberate, graceful movements. She assumed this meant he was fast on his feet. Problematic. Their faces were obscured, obviously trying to maintain some sort of anonymity, but judging by their distinct embroidered cloaks, it was more for enigmatic purposes, maybe intimidation. She took another bite of her candy and then stowed the rest of it in her bag for later.

When the two men turned into a tea shop, Jin frowned and came to a stop. Should she follow them? Deidara would say that she was risking the both of them if an enemy were to catch on to such a predictable move. But if she kept moving Deidara would say that she was letting the fear control her, and it could cost them both their lives as a result. There was just no winning with him so this time she was going to do what she thought was right.

When Jin entered the tea shop, the warmth of the interior and the subtle sweet scents lingering in the air brought her back home. It was a good place here and she was glad she'd made the call. She immediately caught sight of the two of them tucked away into the back corner, one spared a quick glance in her direction but almost immediately lost interest. Jin couldn't help but feel proud of herself. She had one thing Deidara didn't have. She knew what it was like to blend in and remain unremarkable, being a citizen had its perks. Taking to a table close to them but not alarmingly so, she took her sketchbook from her bag and slumped down in her seat. She ordered a snack and a cup of tea when the waitress arrived and then quickly set to work sketching the two men.

She nestled deeper into her headscarf, casting her eyes up every once in a while to see if she could catch some missed detail. A peek of skin, blue. A lock of hair, black. The flash of an eye that she swore was crimson. She drew careful strokes, capturing the image in front of her with a steady hand. When the waitress returned with her order, Jin set her books down and picked her cup up, watching the two converse over the steam. It was hard to hear them from the distance she'd sat herself at but now that their cloaks had been unzipped to the neck, she stole glances at their parted lips, trying to catch a word or two.

Blonde, bomb, run.

Boy, decoy, Kimmoy, the town they'd passed through three weeks ago. It could have been any of those.

They finished their brief break and stood, zipping up their cloaks, they then left the shop. Jin waited a moment for them to gain enough distance and tipped the last of her tea back. As she put all her books back into her bag, she stuffed the rest of her cake into her mouth and waved goodbye to the waitress as she strode off.

Her smile faded back into a sort of neutral displeasure as she stepped into the street. Her eyes carefully scanned ahead of her and then over her shoulder, when she was sure no one was around, she took to an alley and headed towards the main road.

* * *

 _"Tell me about him." Deidara pointed across the populated square towards a man who was leaning against a wall and engaged in a conversation. Jin put the eye scope up to her eye and carefully searched his figure from top to bottom._

 _"His arms are crossed defensively," she said slowly. "But he looks happy, so maybe he's nervous. He is laughing a lot." She looked over to her companion and lowered the scope._

 _"That's all?" Deidara smirked. "Come on, you've got to do better than that." Knowing that Deidara wasn't going to budge until she met his expectations and what he determined to be learning, she gave a small huff and put the scope back up to her eye._

 _"Unlikely that he's a shinobi since he's not wearing any sort of village emblem and he's wearing standard clothing with no pockets. His ankles are exposed, no weapons visible." She moved back up to his face and bit her lip. "He keeps looking away, that's a nervous tick, isn't it?"_

 _"Can be."_

 _"Oh, wait." She moved the eyepiece over and focused on another person, who looked to be the item of interest to the first man. "He's looking over at somebody." The man gave a very slight jerk of the two fingers resting in the crook of his elbow and the other man across the way put his head down and headed over. "I get it. He's not nervous. He's a pickpocket, right?"_

 _"Good, where there any earlier indications you might have missed?" Deidara sounded pleased and Jin's mouth curved into the smallest of smiles._

 _"He's up against the wall so that the person he's having a conversation with has to stand against the crowd of people. His arms are up to avoid suspicion, hands in full view. That's all I've got."_

 _Deidara put his hand out and Jin handed the scope back. He lifted it to his own eye and watched the exchange. "The man the pickpocket is conversing with is standing a half step farther than what's typical of conversations, that says they don't know each other well. If you watch their lips, you would see that our pickpocket is driving the conversation, trying to keep his victim rooted so that they have enough time to signal and proceed. But," he clicked his eyepiece back into place and then smiled, satisfied. "You're getting better."_

 _"Thank you," she turned her face away, not wanting Deidara to see the slight flush on her cheeks from his tiny praise. A small physiological betrayal she'd yet to be able to control, but either way, him seeing it did her no favors. He needed to see her grow hard, he needed to worry._

* * *

The wind picked up beyond the safety of the village architecture and whipped after her as she quickened her stride. An uneasy feeling settled itself into the pit of her stomach, maybe only because this was the first time she'd reacted to something of her own volition but it could have been something else. Something urgent. Whichever it was, she needed to tell Deidara.

Wanting to avoid drawing any suspicion to herself, she kept to a reasonable speed, despite the quiver in her knees that said she should have been moving faster. The farther she walked out of town, the less people she passed until she was walking the open expanse of road entirely alone. Had anyone been watching, maybe those two, she would have been a dead giveaway. She said a curse under her breath and kept her head tucked, eyes focused intently on the path. Maybe if Deidara took her seriously enough, they could move base early. It would be a pain and Deidara would have to hope his contact hadn't already tried to reach out, but what other options were there?

She gave her head a sharp shake. She was being paranoid. Those men, they could be any number of things. And they'd been careful hadn't they? Wasn't Deidara smart enough to avoid getting caught? The boy could destroy a village if he chose to, why would this be any harder? Too many questions. Her stomach flipped again.

Jin had always thought of herself as a cheerful person. Maybe she had a small sullen streak in there but for the most part, she'd laughed often and smiled even more. But looking back, Jin hardly recognized that version of herself. It was admittedly a much better version, but it was also oblivious and naïve. The version of herself that she was now was so far removed from anything she'd ever known. It wasn't ever in her nature to be distrustful or bitter, she never had known herself to wish ill on others or to fantasize of acts of violence, to snap in anger or to close herself off to those around her. But here this version of herself stood. In less than a year, she'd emerged a different person, maybe not the best one, but the one that had a stronger will to survive at least.

She reached the tree line and let out a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding. The ache of her bottom lip also told her she'd been biting, hard. But there was no time to bother with any of it and she clutched her bag close to her as she broke out into a sprint.

When she reached the small, weathered hotel, she fumbled with the key in her pocket before unlocking it and clumsily stumbling in through the threshold. She dropped her bags and shut the door, leaning into it as she struggled to catch her breath. "Deidara!" She managed, tugging the scarf away from her mouth. No answer. She spun around, her eyes scanning the room. It was empty, the bed had been made and the desk had been tidied, but her blonde wasn't present. Slowly, Jin stepped towards the bed where a small piece of parchment had been laid out. She stood over it and looked at it passively.

 _Need to clear my head, I'll be back before it's dark outside._

As she read it the tide of panic began to subside and in its place returned the cool indifference she'd been functioning at for the past few weeks. She assumed it was a defense mechanism. There was no chance of a meltdown when there were simply no feelings to be felt, her body was catching on at least.

Jin took her time putting the new supplies away. She reorganized their bags, took a bath for too long, and then laid back on her bed with her eyes staring past the ceiling. For how long she did this, it didn't matter. Deidara was still not back. Spilling in through the edges of the drawn curtains, the light was orange. The sun was beginning to set, next it would be dark.

Jin shut her eyes and turned over, if anything, she didn't want to be awake when he came back or didn't.

A heavy rapping on the door startled her awake. It only took a moment to both notice it was dark outside and that she was still alone. A cold sweat broke out across her forehead and she shrunk back a moment in fear. The sound ceased and Jin stilled when she heard the smallest voice creep through the crack in the door. Someone was saying her name. As quietly as she could, she slipped from the bed and crept over to the door, her head resting against the doorframe, listening.

"Jin, come on, open the door I don't have a key." It was Deidara's voice but something wasn't quite right. He was being quiet, so quiet that the person he was trying to reach could barely hear him. This wasn't ordinary quiet volume, it was the voice of someone not alone when they should have been. The voice of trying to keep a secret.

"Password?" She whispered back. They had established passwords very early on into their travels, she hoped he still remembered them. One was to signal that they were safe, the other to signal otherwise. A lot of good it would do them when she was the one on the inside and he was the one wound up kidnapped however. She took a sharp breath and waited.

There was a long silence before she heard him mutter out, "the moon is hidden in the clouds tonight." Meaning, in the darkness, there's danger. "Jin, please open the door. It's okay." She took a half step back and stared at the lock. If they wanted to get in so badly they could have just torn the door down, were they so concerned with staying quiet that they wouldn't risk making noise? Was keeping the door locked an option? For the sake of her survival it made sense. She turned her head as a wave of nausea overcame her. What would that mean for Deidara though, and did it matter to her? Would he have done the same to her? She shook the thought away angrily, what did it even matter, she wasn't him. She never could be like him.

Jin turned the lock and opened the door, staring defiantly out and into the faces of some she knew and one she didn't. She lowered her gaze to Deidara who looked both sorry and livid. He moved as if he wanted to say something but Jin interrupted him as she tore her eyes away and stepped back, opening the door wider.

She dropped her hand and then moved back towards the bed. Deidara clicked the light on and she sat at the edge of the mattress, he turned to the group and said something along the lines of, "can we have a moment?" A short exchange happened between the men outside the door but evidently they agreed as Deidara shut the door behind him. He let out a long, frustrated sigh and ran his hands up through his hair, gripping at his roots. She watched him quietly, waiting for him to compose himself and explain. "I am so sorry."

Jin's jaw clenched and she balled up her fists, his words having hit a nerve. He was always sorry. "For what," she asked quietly, her voice well composed but still trembling with anxiety. She averted her eyes, she couldn't bear to look at him any longer. Deidara stayed quiet for a moment more and she wondered if maybe he was finally watching her.

"I've been recruited into a group, tomorrow morning we've got to leave with them." His words seemed to cut through the silence with a fury, shaking her out of her anger almost immediately. For the first time in weeks she felt the familiar sensation of blind fear creeping through her, her mouth gaped and her head snapped back to attention. Her question had been answered though, he wasn't looking at her at all, there was too much shame within him to even try.

"What are you talking about?" She whispered, the small trembling at her lip making her words shiver. Slowly rising, she walked on unsteady legs towards Deidara, who neither moved nor pulled his gaze from the wall. Gently, she reached out to him, her fingers curving over his shoulders and finally his exposed eye met her own. "Deidara," she breathed out carefully, her fingers tightened. "Tell me what you're talking about."

His hands came to rest on hers and he looked at her very seriously. "I don't want to go, but I have no choice. I had to agree. They said they'd hurt you if I didn't."

She barely seemed to register his words as her hands slipped down to her sides. She stepped back and looked at Deidara as if she were looking at a stranger. "I don't understand, why do I have to go?" At this Deidara frowned and she could feel his frustration being misdirected at her.

"Because you're with me," he said carefully, but she could hear something unsteady hanging back. "Jin, please, I need you to trust me."

"You're lying," she breathed out. "I can tell by your body language, Deidara you're lying to me."

"What? I'm not-"

"Tell me what really happened. Tell me or I'll ask them myself." Deidara stepped forward and wrapped his hands around her upper arms, they were thin enough for his whole hand to wrap around. Her voice rose as she struggled against his hold. "You want me to come with you. You don't want to go alone, do you? Did you tell them that? Did you refuse to go unless I came too?" She wanted to yell, yell out so much more, but he shook her angrily by the arms and it froze the words on her tongue. Deidara almost immediately seemed to pull himself back together and he released her, nearly stunned at his own behavior. He tightened his mouth as he watched Jin unsteadily shrink to the floor, her gaze distant and hollow.

"You have no idea what you're talking about." He said darkly, balling his hands back up and bringing them rigidly to his side. "I'm keeping you safe. You, who talk about love like you're reading it out of a book, how can you not recognize what I'm doing for you?" His words were spat out, as if he were angry with her. "I'm all you have left, Jin, whether you like it or not."

She couldn't argue with that. And so she didn't, instead she let him turn away with his closing words, to cool off and straighten his clothes, to open the door and take her away like he always said he would.


	14. Kindness is a Human Weakness

Chapter Fourteen: Kindness is a Human Weakness

* * *

"It'll just be a quick one so keep the house clean, will you," were the last words his mother spoke to him before she and his father left for their mission. It was to last no longer than four days but a week had already passed since then.

Deidara worked hard to push the assumptions out of his head. When he wasn't encouraging his squad to put in overtime hours, he was training alone until he was too exhausted to do anything but eat and sleep. But he knew news, whether it be good or bad, would be coming soon. It was because of this, when the Tsuchikage's Sterling hawk landed on the shoulder of his squad leader, he had a feeling the message was intended for him.

There was a look weak shinobi wore when receiving news about fallen comrades. A flash of fear and a swell of relief that it wasn't them coming back to be buried. Deidara had seen it enough times amongst his peers to recognize it. "We'll finish this up tomorrow," the man said finally, rolling the scroll back up and sticking it back into the small pouch on the hawk's leg. "Deidara, Lord Tsuchikage would like to see you." There was another expression often adorned by weak shinobi, a look of pity. It was the very look upon the faces of his comrades as they turned to watch him react. Not wanting to satisfy them, Deidara quietly packed up his belongings and then left them to their own.

It was a pleasant Spring morning in Iwagakure, the kind where the air was so crisp if you took a breath too big your lungs would quiver in response. Pure air. It was Deidara's favorite season and he took his time down the path outside the village walls towards the interior office of the newly appointed Ōnoki. A stern looking jonin stood outside the rich, embellished office doors. He didn't look at Deidara as he approached rather opened the door wordlessly as if Deidara was some honored guest.

"Deidara, my boy, please, come in." Ōnoki sat at his desk, looking smaller than usual behind stacks of neat paperwork, scrolls, and books. The small blonde slid his bag from his shoulder and dropped it to the floor before sitting himself in a chair opposite side of the desk. He looked around the office curiously as Ōnoki scrambled to clear room on his desk. When he was finally able to view the boy over his papers, Ōnoki took a deep breath and a look of grave concern washed over him. "I'm terribly sorry to have called you at such a time, I know you were getting ready to set out on a mission this week, no?"

Deidara shrugged. "It's not that important." But Ōnoki knew that, he was the one who'd assigned it. Deidara figured he'd do the hard part himself, get it over with now. "Sir, is this regarding my parents?"

"Ah, then you've figured it out, have you?"

"They're never late." Deidara slumped slightly, pulling his chin inward towards his chest. He cast Ōnoki an impatient look.

"They fought bravely for the village, I'm sure you know. But unfortunately, by the end of it, the enemy's numbers were simply too great." He watched the young boy's face carefully but those blue eyes of his gave nothing away. "We'll be erecting a monument for them and their respective squads, we wanted you to be the first to know. When it's built, we'll have a vigil for the close family of those lost."

"Hm," Deidara tapped his fingers on the arm of the chair. "Thank you, sir. If that's all, may I go home now?"

"Would you like an escort to walk with you?"

Deidara slipped from his seat heavily and picked up his bag from the floor. "I'll be okay."

"Right, well, if you ever need anything just let us know. There are a lot of options for children like yourself out there." Orphans, he meant.

"Thank you, sir, but I'll be okay." With that, Deidara left the room, ignoring the perplexed and concerned expression that followed him out.

Deidara, a boy small for his age, kicked a small stone in front of him as he walked. His hands were shoved into his pockets and his mouth was a thin, expressionless line. Though, had anyone been looking hard enough, they might have noticed how tightly clenched his jaw was.

By then, it was nearly ten in the morning meaning the village was lively with business. He had always liked when it began to get crowded like it was, despite all the eyes no one ever seemed to notice he was there. It was like he was some sort of ghost, watching them with them none the wiser. He melted through the crowd, taking the long way back home. Upon ascending the stairs to the apartment, he stopped midway and watched the chipped, brown door. Almost as if he expected it to be opened from the inside. But it didn't, and he felt stupid waiting.

The inside hadn't changed from the morning he'd left it, of course. The half-eaten bowl of soup from the night before still sat unwashed by the side of the sink. His blankets strewn over the couch were neither folded or washed nor was the small pile of laundry accruing in the corner of the room. And now, unless he did it himself, it's likely they never would be. His brow furrowed and for the first time that day he felt angry. Angry at his parents for getting themselves killed, angry at the village for letting it happen, and angry at himself for reasons he didn't entirely understand. But anger wasn't going to clean the house so he swallowed his frustrations instead.

He kicked off his shoes by the door and thumbed his headband off his head. He wiped the sweat that had gathered beneath it with the back of his hand and then placed it on the counter for tomorrow. He spent two hours cleaning until he made his way toward his parent's bedroom. Standing in their threshold he studied what they'd left behind. Some books, a few of his mother's trinkets from her childhood, his father's studies on shifts in chakra nature. They were all small things that meant very little to him. He stepped into the room and within it he found comfort. He pulled a shirt of his mother's out of her drawer and held it close to his face. He could still smell her, albeit faintly. Deidara laid atop their made bed, nuzzling the shirt as he cradled it against him. All he wanted now was to sleep.

When he woke to a knocking at the front door almost three hours later, he got up and left the shirt on the floor where it had fallen as he'd slept. Deidara opened the door, staring impassively out at the two men that stood on his doorstep.

"Deidara?"

"Yes?" He replied flatly, still tired. These men wore the same uniform his father had.

"May we come in?" Deidara didn't reply, instead he stepped aside, eyes never leaving their faces. "I'm Wasahabi, this is Rinka, we've worked alongside your father since before you were born." He said as they stepped into the apartment. Rinka shut the door behind him carefully. "We wanted to give our condolences, your father was a great man and your mother a tremendous woman."

Wasahabi was a small man, lean with graying hair around his temples and jaw, he looked around the room with small interest. His partner Rinka was a younger man, maybe in his early thirties. He wore a brown cap that covered most of his flame red locks and looked severe even when attempting sincerity

"Thank you," Deidara replied, he was tired of saying such empty words. "May I get you something to drink?" Rinka and Wasahabi took a seat on the small couch, looking a little awkward and out of place.

"Water will be fine, thank you," the older man said. Deidara turned to the kitchen as the men continued talking. Deidara wasn't much in the mood to talk so he kept his back to them as they went. "We've wanted to talk to you for some time now. How old are you, Deidara?"

He held the glasses under the faucet and watched the water rise to the brim.

"Eleven, sir."

"And you're already a genin?"

"Yes, sir. I'll be taking the chunin exams this summer." He turned back towards them and carried the water carefully to the table before them, setting them down lightly onto the varnished wood before taking a seat on the floor.

"Have you thought about what you'll pursue after that? Your spoke very highly of you, you know." He spoke as if these words were intended to comfort Deidara. "And from what I've heard," he continued, "your academy record is impressive for a boy your age. Word has even gotten around that you do pretty well on your missions. You've been a part of two successful B-rank missions, haven't you?"

"Yes, sir." Deidara was used to such praise.

"I have no doubt in my mind that you'd be a good fit for the explosion corps. Would you be interested in that?"

Deidara leaned back onto his palms and stared thoughtfully over his raised knees. "Hm, I've thought about it, but I'm not sure yet. I've had a lot of offers."

"I understand, just think about it, for your father's sake." Deidara looked down, letting his hair fall into his eyes. It was a cheap move of them.

"I'll think about it," he said finally.

"If you'd ever like to test some of your abilities, let me know. Your father was one of the best men we had on our team and it would be the highest honor to work alongside his son." Wasahabi stood and Rinka followed suit. "Anyways, we've got work to do, just wanted to stop in briefly. If you ever want to talk, you know where the office is."

"Thank you," Deidara mumbled. He stayed focus on the untouched water cups on the table. People were too polite. He hated it.

* * *

Deidara was already waiting for his squad in the usual meeting place when they arrived. His squad leader frowned as he approached, followed closely by a young man Deidara hadn't seen since the academy. "Deidara, I didn't expect to see you here." The blonde, already feeling annoyed, fixed his leader with a stare.

"Because of my parent's death?" He said it so coolly the whole group shifted in discomfort, some of them stealing glances at the other as if to ask what to do.

"Er, well, for grieving. It's natural, not to mention it's recommended active genin take a three-day absence after tragedies like this. You know this." Deidara huffed and blew a strand of hair from his face. He was finding it more and more difficult to keep himself composed. His mother had often chastised him for being rude, but she wasn't around anymore to keep him in line and he wondered if there was even much point in trying.

"I can't stand that attitude, y'know. Shinobi who act like death is the worst thing that can happen are weak. What happened to my parents is appropriate, they're proper shinobi, what did you expect?" His leader looked taken aback at his cold tone.

"It doesn't make you weak to feel bad about what happened."

"Didn't you hear me?" He snapped. "There's nothing to feel bad about so stop treating me as if you feel sorry for me, I don't want it." The jonin sighed and shook his head.

"Look, this isn't a request, it's an order from up top. If you want to fight it, take it up with him. I'm sorry Deidara, I'm out of my jurisdiction here." Deidara tightened his mouth indignantly and then snapped his fierce blue eyes to the new boy. He remembered him as a weak person too, one who had failed his exams the first time around.

"And is he supposed to be my replacement, did Ōnoki order that one too?" Deidara snorted then hiked his bag back up his shoulders. "Hm, whatever, I'll see you on Monday." He stalked off without waiting for a response, his hands balled up at his sides in the same manner his teeth were clenching. Everyone was so fragile, and they must have thought he was just the same. The thought made him want to hit something. Deidara moved past the road to his house, he didn't want to be there, not alone where he'd probably wreck the house or do something else he'd later regret. Instead, he moved down the main street where the shops began to line up and people moved from block to block. He kept his head down but eyes up, searching faces as if he dared them to feel sorry for him.

He came up upon a small tea shop that was at one time not too long ago a general store. In front of it stood an older woman and a young girl around his age. The mother, with one hand holding a paint pallet and the other pressed lovingly at the young girl's back, directed the young girl where to lay the paintbrush at. He watched as the young girl turned to say something, something which made the mother laugh and ruffle the girl's copper hair affectionately. Deidara hadn't even noticed he'd stopped walking until the girl paused and then turned to catch his gaze. She offered him a weak smile, could she have known too? Deidara grit his teeth together and snapped his head away as he stalked off again. Whatever it was, he neither wanted it nor needed it. He took the next left. He'd rather be home than around all these wandering eyes anyway.

* * *

"I told you someone had been watching us," Kisame growled from where he stooped in the corner of the room. He spoke to Itachi who had taken a seat to his partner's left, the former saying nothing in response. Kisame turned his beetle-black eyes to Jin, a small figure planted at the head of the bed, knees tucked under her chin, eyes boring forward. Her fingers tightened around her arms that circled her knees, but she refused to break eye contact. She was afraid, yes, but she didn't want them to know that. The two locked onto one another, Jin chewing anxiously at her lip hidden behind her arms while Kisame watched, a stone-faced expression on his grotesque face.

She'd never seen anything like him, she wished she'd never come across such an individual.

The bathroom door opened and behind the cover of steam emerged Deidara, his wet hair clinging to this bare chest and back. The wound on his chest was a violent red and purple, it looked like whatever was trying to get out had been struggling. It would likely have to be resutured. He sat on the bed next to Jin while he fingercombed his hair. "Where's that salve at?" He asked.

Jin's voice cracked as she answered quietly, "in my bag." Deidara didn't seem to notice though and he crouched to the floor where she had dropped their bags earlier. Kisame licked at his lips and Jin had to look away, knowing he wasn't going to be the one to budge first. Her sights flickered over to Itachi, the young, tired looking one. His eyes were shut and he was so still he could have been sleeping, but she knew better.

"How long will it take to get there?" Deidara asked, seemingly oblivious to all the tension in the room.

"Four days," Kisame answered roughly. "We'll leave before the sun comes up so I recommend getting some rest tonight while you can. It'll be a rough journey back, this might be the last bed you sleep in for a while."

Deidara paused then turned an eye up towards the blue-hued man. "Hm, what's the point in walking? I could fly us there within two days."

Kisame grinned, his features darkening. "Sorry kid, but if I see you even so much as try making one of your little creations, I'll have to lop those hands clean off. It's nothing against you, but see, we have no reason to trust you."

Deidara snorted and then went back to searching through the bag. He pulled out the small jar and then sat back on the bed. "Whatever, suit yourself." Jin cast a curious look at Deidara. He was gently applying the salve to his wound but she knew him better than that. Someone casually threatening him like that was something that would usually illicit an equally violent response from him, it was an opportunity to show off, and that was something Deidara never let pass him by. This meant that he too was nervous. She turned her attention back towards the pair, maybe they were more dangerous than she had initially thought. Maybe this was even worse than she had assumed, a thought that weighed heavy onto her.

When Deidara turned the lights off and crawled into bed, Jin could still feel the weight of eyes on her. She pushed her legs beneath the blankets and scooted as close to the wall as she could comfortably manage, as far away from Deidara as she could possibly get. She shut her eyes while her fingers gripped madly around the pillow. Sleep wasn't going to come for her and judging by the unnatural breathing pattern coming from the other side of the bed, Deidara was in for a long one as well. She ought to get used to it, she thought miserably.


End file.
